Kissing in a Dream

Chang Noi Wants to Play

I stepped from the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around my hips. I couldn't find my toothbrush in my toiletries bag. I hunched down to go through my suitcase and found it sitting atop a pair of jeans. As I turned to head back into the bathroom, I realized for the first time, Mongkut was in the room. I shifted to look at him and he was open staring at me.

"Something wrong?" I asked. "Chang Noi?"

"No-thing." He stammered and looked away. "I just—you have to stop walking around without clothes on."

I tilted my head. "Really?" I moved toward him. "You want me to stop?"

He stepped back until his back caught the wall. I trapped him between my body and the wall and pressed a palm beside his head while using my free hand to lift his right. Smiling, I pressed his palm to my abs, then used his wrist to pull his palm upward. "My man cannot be afraid of seeing what belongs to him, Chang Noi. And you want to be my man, don't you?"

He closed his eyes.

I kissed the side of his head as I placed his palm over my nipple. When I dropped my lips to his neck, he writhed into me and sighed loudly.

"We are in private." I continued nibbling on his warm flesh. "Anything we do to each other stays here. You do not have to be embarrassed."

"I-I just...don't think I'm ready to—well..."

I lifted my mouth and met his eyes. "They're plenty of ways for me to make you feel good without crossing the line." I switched to the other side of his neck. "But I'll back off and let you come to me."

When I stepped away, Mongkut looked as if he could cry and I was genuinely confused. Not knowing what else to do, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. My body was still alive, still wanting him, but if he wasn't ready, I had to behave.

I gripped the sink, trying to steading my breathing for a while, then brushed my teeth and stepped into the tub.

When I finally was dressed and exited the bathroom, Mongkut wasn't in the room, but a tray sat on the bed with lunch. I picked up the glass of orange juice but left everything else to find him. When I did, he was standing on the balcony without a coat. It wasn't as freezing as Vancouver had gotten, but he definitely shouldn't be standing outside without at least a sweater.

I picked up a blanket that was sitting over the back of the sofa, stepped through the door and wrapped it around his shoulders.

"Thanks," he said.

Together, we remained, side by side in silence. The wind howled around us through the bare trees and the ocean across from us looked like something out of a movie. The salted air rose to greet us, and I couldn't remember feeling so calm.

"I'm sorry, you know." Mongkut finally broke my spell.

"For what?"

"I never thought of my sexuality before coming here." Mongkut confided. "I spent most of my life in the gutters, being treated like trash."

"What?"

"I'm an orphan." He confessed. "I know you may want nothing to do with me after you hear that, but you probably should know why I am the way I am. I was told my mother dumped me and didn't come back. So, for as long as I could remember, I've spent my life trying to be better, to do better. After Pa took me in, I was able to work hard and save. I know being here is the only way I could ever repay Pa back for all he's done for me. I never really had time to think about if I'm gay or straight or bisexual..."

He exhaled loudly as though the world was disappearing off his shoulders.

"I didn't think of dating, of being with anyone. I had no time. But now I'm thinking about it and I know being here this weekend you probably though it would be more fun than it is."