Kissing in a Dream

RUN!

The sky opened and rain fell. I'd spent the last hour listening to the soft echoes of raindrops on roses and asphalt. After Wolf's call, I couldn't seem to fall asleep again. Each time I closed my eyes, I couldn't get rid of what had just happened. The worry in his eyes broke my heart. It especially hurt after I remember what he'd said of his father seeing him for the first time in a long time. It must have been hell having his father not recognize him and calling out for Wolf's dead mother.

Wolf's eyes—it was almost as if the entire situation shook him.

It broke me not being able to run to his side. He worried me.

People always told me money wasn't everything. But in that moment, I wish I had just enough to fly to Thailand to Wolf.

The old demons of my loneliness crept in on me once more and sat on my chest. Dae, Ari, Tok and Wolf were all on the other side of the world and I once again, had no one. I closed my eyes as the darkened walls closed in. Unable to sleep, I climbed out of bed and retrieved a box I carried everywhere. It had the few things they'd scraped together for me when I was found. My hands always shook when I opened it and this time made no difference.

Inside was a toe tag with my last name and my date of birth. The space for my mother's name and my father's name had been left blank. They hadn't even claimed me on paper.

Right before leaving Thailand, I'd taken it to the hospital and asked. But a nurse told me there had been a fire at the hospital two years after I was born and all the records kind of went up in smoke. It was a dead end,

I took that as a sign I wasn't meant to know who I was. If that was the case, how was I to know who I should be?

The next item was an earring. I wasn't sure what it meant. Even as I picked it up and held it up to the light, I still couldn't figure what it meant. It was beautiful, a rose petal and a strange kind of red I'd never seen before. The paperwork about how I was found said the earring was tangled in the blanket I was wrapped in. I didn't think the person meant to leave it behind. My thought was it fell in when they placed me in the box or was wrapping me up.

And why wrap up a baby you wanted to die?

My life had come a long way from that baby found in a box in the gutter. Had I not cried, according to the stories, I would have died. When potential adopted parents heard my story, they moved on to the next child. I was the badluck kid no one wanted. Because of this, I suffered many beatings from other kids in the homes. I spent my entire childhood alone, wanting to die most times.

One Christmas, I was the only child left in the orphanage. I remember staying in bed the entire day being forced out to eat and shower. New kids came in the new year and they too were adopted or claimed. I spent much time in my books but other times was spent at the window of my cramped room, staring down at the front of the building as children were walked out by their new parents.

Each time, another part of me died.

I didn't think anyone could understand what it was like having to always sit away from everyone else, eat alone, drink alone, play alone. It crushed me like nothing else could and by the time I hit ten years old I had none of the social graces a child should. I was always in rooms full of people and was still lonely.

At fourteen, I packed what little I had and ran away. Thankfully Pa found me a year later.

Being anyone's anything was new to me. Being Pa's son even harder. Now, being Wolf's lover, the one he came to when the world's been unfair was a learning curve.

Suddenly I had three new titles—son, friend, lover.

My heart danced then fell.

I set it back inside, added the box Wolf had taken my present from, the receipt from our hotel stay and covered it. Exhaling loudly, I pushed the box back underneath the bed and was going to try sleeping again when I remembered what Wolf said. He'd wanted me to check underneath the Christmas tree.