Kissing in a Dream

Father's Day

The next day, late, Tok and Ari flew back to Canada. Though they had wanted to stay longer, Ari had a few things she needed to take care of before classes started. Wolf and I took them to the airport then after a kiss, I climbed from Wolf's car and ran inside to be with my father. With everything I'd leaned about who I was, I knew I had to tell him. But I wasn't ready to lose my father. I wasn't ready to give up the love and the comfort I felt for Pa.

I spent the day with him and the next morning woke up bright and early to make him breakfast. We ate together in silence and when I started washing up, Pa stood beside me and exhaled.

"Tell me what's on your mind,"

"I think you should sit down, Pa." I told him while drying my hands.

After a deep breath, the entire story tumbled from my lips. Sure, I censored the bit about Wolf and I making love but everything else was fair game. When I was finished, Pa reached across the table to hold my hands. I looked up at him and he smiled and nodded.

"So, you have a father," he said, his voice cracking.

"Yes, P." I scrambled from my chair to kneel beside him. "You. You didn't think twice about taking care of me. But this man—he doesn't want me. Everything I accomplish my whole life is for you. Everything I'll ever be, is because of you. My ability to love, to laugh, to cry—is because of you. You wanted me—I'm not leaving you."

"What if he..."

"No, Pa."

He closed his eyes tightly and I hugged him.

"Don't you want me anymore?" I sobbed into his shirt. "I don't think I could bare it."

"Nong—"

I released him so I could look up into his face.

"Chi, P?"

"You are my son." His voice trembled. "I'll always want you. But if you ever feel like you would rather—"

"No!" I shook my head. "No, Pa, never."

He smiled and hugged me again. I held onto him until he moved.

"I'm sorry for all you went through." Pa whispered. "But I have loved you like a son and the thought of losing you kills me."

"You're not losing me." I promised. "No matter what happens, I'll be here and I'll make you so proud of me."

He cradled my cheek. "I'm already so very proud of you."

"Even though I don't like girls?"

"Even though you don't like girls." Pa inhaled loudly and exhaled. "As your father, the most important thing for me is to know you're happy. I see that in your eyes when you're with Wolf. I'm not a fan of who his father is but it seems Wolf has fallen a million miles away from the tree. I won't be around forever, and if things works out the way they should, I'll be gone one day and I need to know he can take care of you."

"He can."

"Not only financially, my son. In all the ways your mother and I would have wanted him to." He paused and tilted his head. "Are you going to try finding her?"

"Chi Pa." I replied. "Tar is already trying. But there are no promises. It's been too long."

"Well." Pa kissed my head then rustled my hair. "There is hope."

"Chi, Pa."

"What do you want to do today?"

I thought about it for a while then smiled and stood. "It is New Years. Can we go to the temple?"