The Love Of My Life

Chapter 3 - Feelings

Hopper desperately wanted to tell Joyce how he'd felt about her from the moment he met her. It was terrifying for him to confess his love- he was never good at talking about his feelings, so telling Joyce how he felt about her was a big deal for him. There was so much at stake, so many years of friendship. He didn't want to make a fuss about it. He knew Joyce too well to know she didn't like fuss.

Hopper had been quiet around Joyce for the last week or so, ever since he decided it was time to open up to Joyce. He had been contemplating for days how he was supposed to tell her he had loved her for over twenty years. She knew something was wrong. She didn't know if he was troubled by the experiences in the upside down or if he was having a bad day, remembering his daughter Sarah. The traumatic events that happened to them haunted them both. And they both knew when the other was suffering. Joyce would often have nightmares about Bob's death and Will disappearance. She would wake up shaking and her anxiety levels would be through the roof. Whenever she had nightmares, she'd call Hop and he'd always come to her house to sit with her; either to talk about what she saw or to just comfort her. Hopper rarely had nightmares, but when he had them, they were bad. They would leave him shaken for days. He didn't want to worry Joyce whenever he had a nightmare- yet she still always knew exactly what had happened. So she comforted him from a distance and never pushed him to talk about them. Joyce had just thought that Hop had had one of his nightmares and that was why he was so quiet. No matter what it was, Joyce knew it was something significant that was bothering him. She hated seeing him suffer silently.

Joyce went into Hawkins police station on her lunch break. She had brought homemade sandwiches for her and Hop. "Afternoon Flo, he's not out on a call is he?" Joyce asked as she walked towards Hop's office. Flo was like a mother to Hop. She too could always tell when something was bothering him. She had thought for years that Joyce and Hopper were meant to be together. "Sorry dear, he's not here" Flo answered, she sounded concerned in her tone of voice. "Did he get called out?" Joyce responded, also starting to sound concerned. "No dear, he said he was going out to clear his head about two hours ago, he still isn't back yet. He told me not to radio him unless it was life or death". Flo was beginning to sound even more concerned. "Did he say where he was going? Can you radio him to see where he is Flo?". She knew it. Joyce knew there was something wrong. She was questioning why she didn't push him to talk to her- he may not have wanted to but at least he would've known he could talk to her if he needed too. "I'll try dear, Hop come in? It's Flo, you've been gone an awful long time dear where are you?" There was no answer for a couple of minutes. Joyce just stood there with her arms folded; one hand holding the paper bag with their lunch in and the other was used to bite her nails to calm her. It was clear that Joyce was getting extremely worried about Hop. "Flo I told you not to radio me unless it was urgent". He'd finally answered. That made Joyce's nerves calm a bit knowing he wasn't in danger. "Where are you Hopper? I'm starting to get worried about you" Flo said nervously down the radio. "Flo don't worry about me. I'm at my usual spot. I'm just having some alone time to gather my thoughts while El's in school and it's a quiet day in the office. Radio me if it's urgent. Only if it's urgent". Hoppers voice was shaky; Joyce had no idea where his 'usual spot' was. Flo did however. She wrote down the address of a little diner just off the highway about ten miles away. Joyce quickly got into her pinto and drove straight to the diner. She didn't care that she was speeding, Hopper was more important.

Joyce arrived at the diner less than fifteen minutes after Flo had radioed Hop. She put her car in park and shot into the diner. She stood at the door looking for the familiar face she had grown to love. She spotted him in a booth in the corner. He looked up concerned. "Joyce what are you doing here? Are you ok? Is Will ok?" Joyce was so relieved to finally find him. "Yes I'm ok, Will's fine, we're all good. I'm just worried about you Hop. You've been acting strange all week. You've been distant. I came by your office earlier to bring us some lunch and Flo said you'd left to clear your head. You can talk to me Hop. You can always talk to me. Please just talk to me". Joyce had started to tear up, she hated seeing the man she loved so hurt. "Hey, hey, hey Joyce" Hop began to comfort her in the warm voice he only used around her and El. "Look, something has been bothering me for a while now. I've always known about it and I've always felt it. But I can't live like this anymore." Joyce looked Hopper in the eyes, the worry was growing stronger in her face. "What do you mean Hop?". "Please let me say all this because I don't think I'll ever have the courage to say this again Joyce". She nodded, she was ready to listen, not knowing that what he was about to say would change her life forever. "Joyce, ever since I met you I have admired you, I have admired your strength after everything that's happened these last few years. You're my best friend and you've been my rock. I love how good you are with El. You mean the world to me Joyce Byers and I have loved you since the day I met you. All these years I've never told you because I didn't want to ruin our friendship but I can't keep living like this. I love you Joyce".

He said it. He had finally told her how he'd felt about her for the last couple decades. Joyce felt the exact same way. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him. But she froze. It was finally happening, the day she had been waiting for since the night he kissed her at junior prom. It had been about thirty seconds since Hopper had poured is heart out on the table, but it was long enough for him to be spooked by the lack of response from Joyce. It was like his whole world had just came crashing down on him. He got up and left the diner as quick as he could and before she knew it, he was in his blazer speeding away.  Her eyes filled with tears. What had she just done. The man she loved had just told her he loved her and she blew it. Just because she was in shock. In awe of his courage. He said something she hadn't plucked up the courage to say since they were fifteen. Something she'd been waiting to hear. But she blew it.