memento vivere

chapter fifteen part two

A cool breeze, a gentle humming and darkness.. The exact opposite of where I last remember myself being. I'm warm and comfortable but the angry ache in my temple is making it hard to determine anything else.. I try anyway. In front of me, I see a flashing light.. Yellow and then muted. Yellow.. Then muted. Counting the intervals comes up empty handed, leading me to believe it's naturally occurring and not a sign. The puffs of air on my legs seem to synch with it...

Everything's so hazy.. Where the fuck am I?

Countless swipes to my eyes don't help, it's like a permanent film has been placed over them. Struggling and forcing myself just seems to provoke the agony. Instead, I close them and decide to use another one of my senses; Touch. Beside me, my heavy arm slinks out across the way, slithering until it's stopped by skin and muscle.

Warm skin. Warm, unsheathed skin.

Oh no.

Moving myself over in the opposite direction inch by inch, I think of the endless possibilities of what's happened and try to subdue the twinges of panic from forcing their way into my chest. Pushing the blanket down my legs, I feel the bed shift.. Or at least I think it's a bed. Not mine, I know that much. The sudden movement makes me stop and listen. 1, 2, 3.. I count and lie perfectly still until I get to 20. Synching my movements with the breaths I hear, I drag myself further and further away until I run out of surface. My arm slips off the edge and I find myself disoriented and lying on the cold, hard floor in two seconds flat.

"Rae?!"

The disembodied voice comes along with a bright light being switched on, sending me further off course until it's blocked out again. Unlike before, relying on touch is getting me absolutely no where. There's nothing around me besides the dirt particles beneath my palms.. So slowly, I reach out above me and what I feel makes me crack open my eyes. Instantly, I come to the conclusion that I'm lying just outside Heavens gates. The concerned blue eyed angel perched on top staring back at me smiles before reaching out a helping hand, one that I'm hesitant to take. What exactly would this mean for me? It's the second time I've seen the ring of light upon his head and I know where it led me last time.. This time? What day is it?

"Are you okay?" The hint of playfulness in his voice is a stark contrast to how I thought things were headed and I can't help but grin too. Despite that, the question seems to be loaded and I don't know what to answer. Either way I decide my fate and lace hands with his until he's there lying beside me and I'm greeted with that same smile again.. And the same warm skin, only this time I don't flinch away. I watch as he traces my arms for any marks or scrapes, ultimately jogging my memory about being outside the club before he pulls the blanket back up to my waist.. Following his touches alerts me to the brown shirt I'm wearing. My eyes snap up, looking between the two of us, my lack of clothes versus his and he's explaining before I can even get the words out.

"Your clothes are in the washin' machine.. You got sick again on the ride home.." His face reads the truth and if I listen closely enough, the hum from before is still murmuring away in the other room, making sense of what it is.. But based on the atmosphere in the room and the flush on his chest, I'm not fully convinced.

"And we didn't..—"

"No."

"You're sure?.."

"I think I'd remember somethin' like that, Rae.."

My own chest squeezes at the thought and I see him swallow hard out of my peripheral, his jaw set straight. The weight of his hand on mine becomes very obvious and I'm suddenly thankful for the air circulation in the room. And that's when I realize it.