memento vivere

chapter eighteen

It's been roughly an hour and some change since we left that parking lot. About 54 miles in. Every now and again, I can see Eddie or Jerome or whatever the fuck his actual name is glance at me or begin to say something but he just stops himself. I don't know if I'd listen anyway. Of course I know the girl was having her own fun with being a bitch but even at that, I can't be mad at her. She was just the messenger. And her words had merit. There's some things that don't add up, some things he's obviously lying about. And that's where it gets frustrating because he doesn't have to explain anything to me.

We're not together. We're not a couple. He doesn't owe me anything. What happened back there was probably just some lust driven fling and I've been reading everything wrong. At least that would explain checking in under another name, I guess he's trying to hide me or something. If that's the case, I'll just have to accept the fact that it doesn't even mean anything to him. Just another notch in his belt. To me.. Well, I guess it means I'm more like my Mama than I realize.

At some point, the sound of the rain hitting my window and the low rumble of the engine started to put me to sleep and it was peaceful until I'm jolted awake by going off onto the side of the road. Gripping my seat belt, at first I thought we were hydroplaning but instead, I see that we're pulling over onto the shoulder. Ignoring the honking horns going past, Eddie shoves the shifter into park and he's breathing heavy by just sitting there.

"Can we talk? Please?"

.

"Okay."

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"What exactly did she say to you?"

For a moment, the thought to make up something flashes into my head just to see if he'd go along with it.. But I'm too tired for all of this. The last thing I wanna do is argue.

"She just told me that you'd been there sometime in the past few weeks and left your shirt."

"That's it?"

"That's it."

.

.

.

"Okay." His jaw clenches and I'm sure he knows I'm leaving out key details but you never give up everything all at once. Especially when I know he's withholding information too.

"I just don't want you to think somethings going on—."

"—There's nothing going on, Ed- Jerome. None of this matters. You don't have to explain anything. Just take me home."

"Rae, stop. Stop callin' me that. My name is Eddie."

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"Because I'm tellin' you the truth. I'll show you my ID if I need to." Despite not wanting to argue, it seems he wants to get everything out in the open. We're both stuck in this truck together for the next few hours so I guess this is what we're doing whether I want to or not. He starts to grab for his bag to find his wallet but half way through, remembers that it's in the pocket of his shorts. He pulls it out and files through all of the folded up receipts and other cards before finding the square piece of plastic. "Here, read.." He lays it on the seat beside me and there across the top in black print is 'Edward Louis Severson III.'

The third.. Making me realize he's named after his Dad.

"See? It's not Eddie but still.."

"So why did she call you that?"

"Because.. " He sighs and returns his card back into his wallet before continuing. "When.." He starts again but there's this long pause and his hand drags down his face. I can tell he's toying with telling me or not. "Ugh, it sounds so stupid to say it out loud but I thought maybe you'd understand.."