Not perfect: A Voltron AU

Why I have not updated this story. Includes life update and message to readers.

Introduction:

Hey, you.

Wow. It's been a while. I've grown. I haven't updated in two years. Two years does a lot to a person.

To be completely honest, I will not be updating this story. Hell, I haven't checked this app for a long time and after this I don't think I ever will. You can stop reading now. Or you could keep reading if you'd like to know why.

Life update/Why I didn't update:

Back then. I was in a really really dark place. Everything felt worthless. I felt worthless. I hated everything about myself and in the world around me. It seemed like nothing could get better. I was always so sad and bitter. I got mad at myself if something made me smile or laugh. I used this book as a coping method. Write dark things. Get everything out. But then I lost motivation. Over time things just got worse. I lied to myself that it was better. I forgot about this book.

Trigger warning. Abuse (includes mental, physical, and sexual)

And then. I got into a relationship. For context. He was a boy about 5'9. He was skinny but worked out constantly. He was very strong and knew how to fight. Everyone knew him. He scared a lot of people. And I had liked him for 4 years before he asked me out. I felt happy in the beginning. So incredibly happy. Then it got worse. He yelled. A lot. I cried even more. It seemed like nothing I did was enough to please him. I was given rules. A dress code. I couldn't wear anything he deemed inappropriate. And I couldn't refuse anything. Sexual things I couldn't say no to. He did things to me I couldn't say no to. I wasn't allowed to refuse a touch or a kiss. I couldn't stop holding his hand. I was terrified of him. He knew it to. He said he hated it but would continue to yell. Threaten me. There were really really bad times. But I stayed. For almost a year. Because every once in a while there would be a good time. And I would be happy. But at school. Everything wasn't okay. The whole school was involved in this relationship. The counselors tried to help but he wouldn't let me leave. The students. They all knew what was going on. It was a huge story. People I didn't know knew everything about my relationship. I was told that people could see the way he treated me. Some people tried to help. Again. He wouldn't let me leave. So they stopped trying. I felt so alone because I couldn't go to anyone. I saw myself turn to other forms of appreciation. I wasn't the best either. Some. Guys found me. They were nice. Listened to what I had to say. Agreed how horrible it was. And in exchange for fake understanding. I did what they asked. Sent pictures. Agreed to say what they told me to say. I just wanted to feel wanted. I felt like it was cheating. They told me it wasn't. Some might say it was justified. Some might say I deserve the pain it caused me. I regret it. I regret everything. Then one day. I was on the stairs at school. He was yelling at me. I just wanted to go to my class. To leave. We were standing by the stairs. I wasn't going to cry. I we numb to it at this point. I said I was leaving. That's all I could say. He yelled at me to stay. I started going up the stairs, heading to my class. He grabbed my arm very tightly. Pulled me back down roughly. I fell into him and immediately started crying. I thought. Oh no. This is the time he hits me. I was so scared. I couldn't breathe. He saw I was crying and tried to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything was okay. I pushed him as hard as I could and ran up the stairs. I got to my class and I knew after that I wouldn't be giving any of my time to him. I needed to save myself. I cut him off no matter how many times he tried to call me. Text me. I blocked him on everything. It was so so fucking hard no matter how much he had hurt me. I didn't understand why. But it was because I had cut off everyone else For him. He was all I had.

But I made new friends. A group of guys. We all knew each other and had mutual friends. We just hadn't talked that much before. They knew what had happened but they didn't talk about it. I was so happy. I say with them at lunch. I laughed and smiled so much every day. For the first time in years things got better. So much better. I discovered things about myself. I figured out why I do certain things. I worked on my inner and outer self. I was just. So fucking happy. Then. I made another friend. He. Is sweet. I have 2 classes with him this year. He's nice and funny and dumb and smart and cute and adorable. We started texting over my love and his hate of a certain controversial fruit (grapefruit). We began to talk more and more until it was almost all day every day. I ended up asking him to a school dance. We didn't dance. But we talked and played games all night. It was cold and when we were waiting for rides he put his arm around me to keep me warm. That was when I knew for sure I really liked him. Over the time we grew closer. We have each other Valentine's gifts. And Then a week after. February 21st. I asked him out. I. Have never been happier. Its only been a short while but he makes me feel complete and I really want this to last a long time.

Message to any readers:

But I know one thing. Everything would have turned out differently if I hadn't worked on myself first. The point of all this is. Work on yourself. Do things for yourself. Do what makes you happy. Things are bad. But it doesn't matter where you've come from. It only matters where you're going. And that's something you have control over. You alone can shape your future. That seems scary. Hell, it's fucking terrifying. But it's nice. Comforting in a way. You want a strawberry lemonade? Make yourself one. You want to wear makeup even though you think it will make you stick out more? Fuck it, you go. The truth is life is scary. You don't know what will come but you can try to shape things the way you want. The most important thing is surround yourself with things you love. Things that make you smile. So you can wake up every day and start it off positive. You can't just wake up with a smile every day. But you can wake up to your favorite song or a drawing you did that You're proud of. And that's the best thing.

Yeah. Life sucks sometimes. It hasn't been all perfect from before. I still have sad days. I still have bad days. But I know they won't last forever. Its true what they say. That dumb expression. It gets better. It gets so much better. Slowly at first. Maybe always slowly. But it will. People's contentment comes at different times. Don't think you have to feel a certain way just because others do. Don't be afraid to do something for yourself. Don't be afraid to cut off toxic people or habits. Don't be afraid to try something new. You're not a robot waiting for the next update. You are a living, breathing human being. You have emotions. You have wants and needs. You have talents and likes and dislikes. You have love. You deserve love. You deserve happiness. You matter so much. I know this might seem dumb. I don't know if anyone will actually read this. But if you do. Know I care. And I thank you so much. You're absolutely incredible.

I know this may not be the update you were expecting and I apologize. But thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being you.

Have a good day, night, afternoon, whatever. Stay safe.

Sincerely,

                 Me :)