Imagines: General Hux x Reader

Ukiyo - we're doomed

Request (pauah05): Hux is gone, but you remember the little moments you spent together before his last breath.

After the video, there's a picture which explains what 'Ukiyo' means!

Warnings: Extreme angst, mentions of death and suicidal thoughts, a bit of fluff in between, explicit mentions of smut (but no actual smut). 

Song Pairing: BMTH - Doomed (Royal Albert Hall) - please listen to this if you want extra feels.

Hope you enjoy it pauah!

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It was meant to be...

That was the mantra you kept whispering into the still air of your bedroom, staring out to the white curves of the land and the heaving snow that seemed to blanket the earth in bitter comfort.

The creaking of the floorboards as the drafts let the frigid winds in, dragged slowly through the house, peeking around the corners until it saw you, standing against your back as you held your blanket closer to protect you from its touch.

Your cheeks felt tight from those droplets of salty water that graced them before they were seeped up by the frozen heat.

Can I blame everything?

Your skin was already cemented, bitter and ruined. The skin of your fingertips ripped by teeth and your lips tasting metallic as droplets littered to the surface. Your teeth brought you more comfort than Millicent now. She always sat on the bed now, sleeping. She was in as much distress as you are.

Come shove me over the edge...

Not even that pale mug of tea could defrost your fingertips and give you a pulse of warmth. No satisfaction from your favourite food or cardigan that covered your shoulders, that once you felt the realistic weight of a head lean on whilst you both looked across the mounds of purity roll over the ground. That phantom pain of that head held itself stiffly across your shoulder, mocking you with its weight as you tensed your shoulders in an effort to feel your own body again.

His presence never left, did it?

You chuckled bitterly at that thought. Even when he was never at home because of work, somehow his presence was stained into the walls, the air, in you. 

 No matter how hard you tried to keep your mind silent, you seemed to always hear his feet pad against the floorboards, or his shift in the bed or couch, the sound of his sighs and laugh, his voice fading through your ears like the wind. 

Maybe now is time...

You could have just ended it there, right? Walked through the glass window that barricaded you from the soil and cold of the planet that you believed would bring you more relief than the room of memories. Maybe you could have walked on the ice until you dropped with no pulse, or maybe step out and lie down on that sweet mattress of sheer white lies, staring at the grey expanse as your eyes searched the falling white clusters as though they held some type of truth.

Maybe they each held the memories that doomed you to your demise. 

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"Haha, y/n!" you heard your lover shout from behind you. You could hear pots and pans clatter become progressively louder as you tiptoed your way towards the sounds until the clatter completely stopped as you peeked into the room. You instantly smelt boiling pasta and basil, making you close your eyes before you fluttered them open.