If I Ever Fall In Love Again

《reminiscence》pt.2

2007 March

Scarborough, Toronto Ontario, Canada

"C'mon, I thought we was doing 21 questions or some shit."

"Those questions are supposed to be about yourself, why you asking me about potatoes?" -abel tesfaye

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 Genesis' nose was red as she walked down the street, anger coursing through her body. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to hurt someone.

She wanted to hurt him.

The man who made her life hell as soon as she slipped out of her mother's womb. The man who didn't play the part that he was supposed to. The man who terrorized her endlessly and mercilessly, as if she wasn't his daughter and he wasn't her father. Sometimes she wondered if he was really her father. No father treats their blood the way he treated her. 

The smallest thought of him would send her heart sinking into a pit of darkness. She didn't know what it was- she didn't know why she couldn't get over it. If she saw a tree, it reminded her of him. A certain car. A friendly neighbor. Her thoughts would be clouded with memories of him and her good mood would plummet.

Parents damage their children more than they know.

Small and seemingly harmless comments from your parents at a young age can make you grow up insecure and fueled by self-hatred. Idle jokes such as "you're so dark," or "why are your lips so big?" can make a child grow up with enough hate to fuel them through a life time. 

And if you can't even love yourself, then who else is supposed to love you?

These insecure children grow up to be self-doubting adults- it follows you for life. It makes it difficult for you to think straight, to accept confidence. To respond to the words "I love you". The words that are supposed to be uttered by parents everyday. 

Genesis grinds her teeth together, trying her hardest not to cry.  Cold wind whipped her coily hair around her face, but she didn't care enough to secure it behind her ears. She just kept walking.

It was times like these that made her wish she wasn't alive. It was a sad thought, and so she never told anyone about it. Who would've known that the girl who was always smiling, always making jokes, was fighting her own demons. 

She blamed it all on her parents.

 She was the product of constant teasing and bullying from her parents.

In other words, she was imperfect and broken. Severely broken.

Abel sat at his front steps, staring into space sadly. People walked by him every few minutes, but they didn't notice him and he didn't notice them. He kept his eyes on the ground.

The sudden urge to smoke overcame him and he frowned and ran a hand over his face, sighing. First it started with cigarettes. Then it was weed. All of a sudden, he was popping pills and snorting the devil's snow like it was a part time job.