palace~nick holiday

four.

march 28, 2016 cont.

"hi, i'm nick. who are you?"

if you were in this exact moment with me, you could feel the clautraphobic atmosphere in the room. i could feel matt and ciaran just staring at the back of my head, waiting for me to say something. the saliva in my mouth evaporated. my throat feels like it's sticking to my tounge. what the actual fuck is going on with me. 

i clear my throat and try to muster up a smile that doesn't look painfully awkward. "um hi. i'm bella." i try to swallow something down so it didn't feel like i was gagging when i talked, but the moisture in my mouth wasn't complying. nick, that pretty-faced boy who i haven't even known for five fucking minutes, is still staring at me. he smiles, winks *dear lord why did i have to be in this class hoLY FUCK* and looks down at his desk. quickly i open the book and try to find where mr. jones was reading at. luckily i read past this part already before we moved, but i really don't feel like getting called out infront of the class on my first day. especially infront of nick. that would kill any sense of dignity i had left. when i find the sentence and start feeling comfortable and less awkward, i felt a piece of paper hit my glasses. i lift my head up to see where it came from, and notice merlyn was looking at me. he points to the piece of paper and mouths; "read it." i find where the paper fell next to my desk, and bend down to pick it up. 

looking around to make sure people weren't paying attention, i slowly unfold the piece of paper. in tiny handwriting, the note said; "u looked like a fuckin tomato when nick barely looked at u dawg." i roll my eyes, turning around again to see merlyn hiding a laugh from me. i flip him off and open my book, only to be shut down by mr. jones saying "alright class. i think that's enough for today. put the books back up on the front table, and be ready to finish the rest of it by tomorrow!" ciaran takes the book off my desk, looking at the tiny piece of paper sitting at the top corner. he raises an eyebrow, and i just roll my eyes. "merlyn is mean to me, that's all." ciaran laughs, and walks toward the front of the room. romil, who is sitting next to joba, finally says something to me. "hey, bella? i don't know if one of the guys asked, but do you want to sit with us at lunch?" i smile at him as joba pushes him a little. "i already asked her, man. she said she would." romil nods a little and looks at me again. "cool!"

matt takes ciaran's desk and leans in close to me. i lean back a little, as ciaran yells at him. "get out of my desk, ratty! you'll scare her with your stank breath!" matt frowns and goes back to his desk. "my breath doesn't smell bad, bearface." merlyn laughs as he high-fives romil, earning a chuckle from both joba and nick. i feel my face start turning red again. i swear to god if the bell doesn't ring in the next 5 minutes i'm going to projectile vomit. but of course, my luck doesn't work  so easily. nick taps me on the shoulder, making me jump slightly. matt cackles at me, causing people to turn around and stare. "why so jumpy, bella?" nick asks, as i try to calm down the inner dialogue of screaming. his eyes are so goregous. i don't get it. how can a man be so fucking beautiful? he is going to ruin me, i can feel it. "i don't know, always have been like that i guess." he nods, his blonde hair bobbing along with his movement. i can't read him yet. he kind of makes me uncomforable. he doesn't seem as open as the other guys, which makes me wonder more and more what's in store for a possible friendship for us in the future. "i don't judge though. i'm the same way." he smiles, showing a row of crooked teeth *which i'm to die for*, but quickly hides it away. as if on cue, the bell rings, causing him to quickly grab his stuff. "see you at lunch, yeah?" he looks at me, then waves at the guys. "catch you all later, i'm going to go check on ian." joba nods and looks at the guys. "alright. tell ian we love him."

ciaran grabs his stuff and looks at me. "ready to go? looks like you got choir next." if it wasn't for ciaran today, i would have died emotionally. "yeah, let's get out." we walk out, saying goodbye to the boys, me promising that i won't bail out on them at lunch.  as we walk toward the choir room, passing people, being shoulder-checked in the hallways by tight-knit groups, i can't help but to keep wondering who the tit is this ian person. so, i ask. "ciaran, who's ian? you guys have talked about him, and seem so cryptic." i pause, seeing that he looks down and shuts down a bit. "you don't have to tell me, i was just wondering. i didn't mean to be insensitive, i'm sorry." ciaran laughs and rolls his eyes. "no it's fine, it's just a lot. so, you know that fight that happened this morning?" i nod, feeling my stomach drop down to my feet. oh fuck no. "well, the black kid that was getting his face pounded is our friend ian. he came out to us as gay two weeks ago, and somehow word got around to it. and the captain of the football team, aaron, decided that his masculinity couldn't handle it anymore. so he kicked the shit out of our friend. that's why i was late this morning. i was making sure my best friend wasn't dead on the sidewalk." i look at him, not knowing what to say. i put my hand on his shoulder, and just decided to hug him. "i'm so sorry." he smiles at me. "let's get to class, i just want this day to end."

so that's what we did. we got through choir, and to my surprise ciaran has a phenomenal voice. we have a few more classes with the boys, then we finally get to meet up with them at lunch. nick, romil, joba, merlyn, matt and a bunch of other guys are sitting at a table. nick tells us ian is okay, he just has a concussion and is real bruised up. we have nice conversation, and the boys introduce me to the strangers. dom, kiko, roberto, kevin, hk, jabari, ashlan, and jon. they all give me their number and add me into their groupchat. it's weird that i have gotten so close to these people in a short amount of time, but i love it none the less. a few times i caught nick staring at me, but i wasn't bothered. i was having a good time with some great people.

lunch ended, and we all seperated to our afternoon classes. ciaran and i are laughing everytime we enter a classroom, because he would always crack a joke about one of the guys or how much matt looked like one of the rats in flushed away. i told him about how nick was starting at me during lunch, and he told me that it was because he was trying to figure out how to smell as good as a girl without having to shower. i didn't know why these guys bully each other so much, but it was all in good fun i'm sure. at the end of the day, ciaran walked me toward the front of the school and bid me a goodbye. "text me when you get home, alright? see you tomorrow!" and just like that, he walks away, heading home to have a nice dinner with his family, knowing his way around the familiar streets, his home. damian finally meets me, and gives me an eyebrow of question. "so, how was he?" i smile and punch him on the shoulder. "fucking great. best day of my life. what about you? tried to get in elena's pants?" he pushes me as we start walking home, chuckles to himself as i cackle evily at his bright-red demenor. even though i may have forgotten to text chloe during lunch, and i will get my ass chewed out about it later, i had a good day. i just hope ian is okay.  i can't imagine what it was like, the pain, the embarassment. i really hope that he will be alright.

that's all i can hope.

((yikes, i feel like this chapter kinda sucks. it's more or less of a filler, but idk. writers block is a thing. anyway, hope ya'll are good. stay cool, stay safe.

b))