Sunflower Crown | account & me

well i did that | the author account

It's been an hour since I uploaded the last chapter to Seventeen (writing this, not posting this in this book) after spending maybe half an hour doing promotional messages, getting graphics done, perfecting the author's note, and just overall bracing myself so I could officially take this step.

And I did it.

I think for me it's just so miraculous to be able to get so much support and have so many people behind me and reading my work at just the click of a button. It astounds me. The world is accessible at our fingertips through the internet, and it's fascinating.

My favorite part about publishing the last chapters to books, by far, are the comments I get. Even only seeing the first hours' worth of comments come in, I'm feeling so overwhelmed with love. I'm not really sure how to describe it. It's the best way I've ever been overwhelmed in my life, by far. I've been smiling since I hit the publish button, and I've been feeling so grateful and so touch just from the sheer amount of support I've received on this story and for my writing. For me. It's crazy when I think about it, but at the same time it's not.

I have worked for this. I know I deserve this. I know I can be proud of this. It's just that scary moment when your dreams become a reality and you're kind of there like Wow, that really did happen. That's the best way to describe what I'm feeling right now.

It's so insane.

Honestly, you would think that by now I would have learned to expect this. This isn't the first book I've finished. If anything, it's maybe the seventh. (Wow, that's weird to think about. I don't think I've ever totaled how many books I've written in my head. Dang.) At least that I've finished while posting to Wattpad. I know what happens when I finish a story, and the comments I normally receive. I guess I expected it to a certain extent, but I also very much did not. I don't think I'll ever be able to properly expect the amount of people that care about me/my writing. I don't think I'll ever be able to comprehend 50 people, never mind 587. At this point, it's not unrealistic to assume that I'll eventually hit 600 followers in the near future.

*blows out breath*

Yeah, that just hit me again. Wow. That's a lot of people. And assuming my audience keeps growing...that'll get bigger? I just – I can't explain how that makes me feel. If I had to, speechless, I guess. Astounded. Overwhelmed in the best way. Touched. Completely and utterly shocked. Happy. Honored. Blessed. Thankful.

My god. What does that even mean? I'm literally sitting here with my hands smushing my cheeks trying to comprehend that.

I don't think I can ever fully anticipate the feeling of love. I think that's what it is. There's nothing that will make me expect that, nothing that will make me always anticipate it. But I am so, so grateful that there are people out there that love and care for me. More than anything else. Not even just me, either. My work. That people love to read what I've written. It's fulfilling.

I've literally been sitting here for the past hour watching comments flood in and replying to those, while dancing on my bed to Formation by Beyoncé, because what else would you do to celebrate. I'm planning on getting myself a really nice amount of ice cream as a reward. Maybe I'll go scream in my little brother's ear that I've accomplished something. Who freaking knows.

What I'm Feeling in a Song: I'm so reckless when I wear my Givenchy dress. Sing that in line with the song and a smile edging on a smirk. That's how I feel. On top of the world. I feel on top of the world right now. I'm fulfilled.

I'm happy. You guys make me happy. This makes me happy. All of it makes me so, so happy. And I really can't thank you enough for that happiness. I wouldn't be here without you guys. I say it like five times a day to every user, but thank you so, so much. It really does mean the world to me. It makes me happy to read your comments and see that you think that things you do. I appreciate it so much. I'm so grateful to have you all. I love you ❤️