Rhysch •~Fanfiction~•

Distancing | 6.

(TW: Negative/Depressing Thoughts, Self Harm)

(Asch's POV)

11:02

It's been about 2 months since what happened between Rhys and I. He probably still hates me. The others most likely know as well.. they probably hate me too. I've been in my room the whole time... I only come out when I have to get food, or go to the bathroom. They used to come to my room to check on me to see if I was alright. I just told them "Yeah." "I'm fine." "Leave me alone." Or, "Go away."

I mean, I know they don't ALL hate me. Ava always acts like she gets annoyed with me, but she says that she was just joking around. She's one of my best friends. Pierce is always very nice to me as well, he is always someone that I can talk to when I'm having mental problems.

One time Ava took me with her to her therapy session. I guess she realized that I acted differently from the others mentally. She set me up for an appointment that day. We went back the following week and they diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I didn't understand what it meant at the time.

The psychologist there told me everything about it and what it meant. She then prescribed some pills for me. I flush them down the toilet each time we get them and lie about taking them.. I know I shouldn't do that but I really don't trust those pills that they give me... It makes me feel like I'm trapped and I take the "happy pills" to brainwash me into being fake happy. "Happy pills" that's what I call them. Code for slavery if you ask me.

I kept on thinking to myself for a very long time until I heard a knock on the door. I haven't heard that in a long time. "Who is it." "Asch..." The voice from outside said. "Let me in.. please." I heard the voice again, it sounded very familiar. " Who is it." I repeated. " It's Ava." She replied, "Please let me in..you've been in here for months.." "Wow.." I said, "I didn't think you cared to notice.." "Asch.." She said, "Come open the door."

"No." I replied. "Do you think you're gonna feel any better by sitting in there and sulking forever?" She said to me, "Please just let me in... Tell me what's bothering you...I'm your best friend and you're shutting me out. I need to know what's wrong so that I can help you...please Asch.."

(Ava's POV)

I waited at Asch's door hoping for a response. He didn't reply, but as I was about to turn and walk away I heard a click sound. I turned around and saw Asch standing there in the doorway of his room.

His eyes were so dull, and his hair was a mess. He had a black oversized hoodie on and black ripped jeans. He had bags under his eyes and he looked so weak. It was clear he hadn't eaten, slept, or changed his clothes at all.

"Oh Irene..Asch.." I said to him about to cry. I entered his room and he closed the door behind me. The first thing I did was give him a hug, he always liked hugs, even though he denied it. He walked over to his bed and sat down. I sat down next to him. "Asch tell me..what happened..?" I asked him worryingly. "W-what do you mean-n" He responded with a very raspy voice. "You know what..before we go into this I'm gonna get you cleaned up..ok?" I told him. "O-k" He replied.

We walked over to the bathroom and I locked the door in case anyone tried to come in. I got him some clothes and waited for him to be done showering. I waited outside the door for a good 10 minutes until he opened the door. I went inside and locked the door again. "Ok let's fix your hair." I said. I brushed his hair out, which took me about 30 minutes to do, due to his lack of motivation to do it. "There." We walked back into the room and sat back down on his bed. "Do you feel a little better after that shower now?" I asked him. "Mhm.." He said as he nodded his head.

"Good. Now-" I was saying before I got interrupted by the sudden yell Asch let out. "Agh!" He winced in pain as he clutched his arm with his other hand. "Asch are you-" I started to say before realizing the situation, "Asch...g-give me your a-arm.." "No." He said to me starting to get panicked. "Asch. Show. Me. Your. Arm." I said more stern this time. Asch hesitated for a second but gave in. He slowly pulled up his sleeve and what I saw horrified me.

He had..giant cuts...all over his arm. "A-Asch... is this the only place these are?" I asked him. "N-no.." He replied with shame in his eyes. He then lifted his shirt off of his body and then..what I saw next was only more horrifying. He had giant cuts and bruises everywhere. Covering his back, his arms, his wrists, and his chest. They were all over. I couldn't help but tear up..

"A-Asch.." I started, "Is this what you've been hiding from us..?..From me..?" He then slowly nodded his head. "Oh Asch.." I quickly started to cry but stopped myself. I hugged him again, this time trying to avoid the cuts and scars. "I'll be right back." I told him before getting up off the bed and walking out of the room.

I went into the kitchen and opened one of the cabinets. Inside I grabbed a med kit and some wet rags. I walked back into Asch's room and closed the door. I sat down on the bed. "This might hurt a little bit." I told him. "A-alright.." he replied with a less raspy voice. I gave him a glass of water earlier so that his throat wouldn't be so dry. "Ow!" He winced in pain. "Sorry, it's gonna sting." I told him. I put hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol on his cuts to remove the bacteria. Then I removed it with the wet rags. I put Neosporin on the cuts then wrapped them with bandages. 

"Ok.. all done." I told him. "Thanks Ava." He replied with a slight smile on his face. I smiled back. "Ok now.. mind telling me why the HECK you would do this to yourself???" I asked him. "..well..I'm sure Rhys probably told you what happened that one day when we set up that whole plan for me to confess to him.." He replied. "Yeah he did.." I said.

He then continued, "So, afterward when I ran off I closed myself off in my room..I started thinking really bad thoughts and started to have an anxiety attack. I didn't know what to do and there was no-one there to help me so I just sat there crying for 3 hours. This was after I came to get dinner. I kept having mini panic and anxiety attacks here and there throughout the months. About a week after I started having them I started to cut myself. I did it once a day.. then it went to twice..then three.. and so on.. At one point I just stopped caring, and I just did it every time I felt mad, depressed, sad, anxious, etc. It became my coping mechanism..I felt like Rhys hated me and that I should've just..not even interfered with him, or his life.."

I felt so bad after he told me that. I began speaking,"A-Asch..I had no idea.. I'm so sorr-" " "No, don't apologize..it wasn't your fault..it was mine for thinking like that." He replied. "Asch..have you maybe tried talking to him..?" I asked him. "No..I've been so trapped in my own thoughts that I wasn't physically able to DO anything, let alone talk to Rhys.." He said back. "Well, how about you think about it for a few hours maybe a few days..then if you build up enough courage, go try to talk to him. I doubt he hates you." I told him. "How do you know?" "Because... he's been talking to me about it... about you...and he's just as worried as I was..just...give it a thought..okay?" I smiled as I finished my sentence. "Alright..." He smiled back.