A Player's Game

Chapter 27: It All Makes Sense

I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I was in complete shock. Was this his mom? Was I really meeting his mom like this?

"Are you okay, sweetie?" she interrupted my thoughts making me realize how stupid I must look right now.

"Yes. Hi, sorry. I'm Stella, nice to meet you," I greeted her with a smile and shook her hand.

"Are you here to see Logan?"

"Uh yeah, actually I just came to--" my words were interrupted by an all too familiar voice.

"Mom who is it?" His words made a pain arise in my chest. I hadn't heard him speak in so long. He came around the corner behind his mom while tugging a shirt over his head. He wore the same shocked expression as I did as his eyes met mine as he came to stand beside his mom.

"I'll let you two talk," his mother smiled and left us on the front porch.

"Hi," he spoke nervously.

"Hi."

"Um . . . what are you doing here?"

"I just-I just came to talk to you, but if you don't want to, it's okay. I can leave."

"No. No, please don't. I want to talk too. Did you wanna come in?" I nodded my head in an attempt to answer since I was struggling to speak. I was more nervous around him than I have ever been. 

I let him lead the way to what I'm assuming was going to be his room. I don't know what I was more nervous about; being in his room alone, or the actual talk itself. He opened the door to his room and turned on a little lamp on his bedside table so the room was just light enough to see his beautiful features. He said that I could sit anywhere I wanted to so I chose the end of the bed. He sat down beside me, but not too close which disappointed me a little, but I understood why.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything, but why now? What changed? The last time I saw you, you were pretty dead set on never talking to me again," he voiced shyly. I felt guilt flood over me. What had changed? 

"Honestly . . . I don't know what changed. After a while, I just missed you. And yeah I was mad. I was really mad, but I came to talk to you because I know myself and if I don't hear you out, then I'll regret it. I want to make a decision after I know everything I guess."

"Okay. I understand that. But, if I tell you what I need to tell you, you have to promise to listen to the entire story. I want you to know the whole thing." I nodded in response, but my mouth couldn't come up with any words to speak.

"When I was around sixteen, my dad lost his job and my dad started getting into things he shouldn't have." he begin. "I was only sixteen at the time so I wasn't sure, but I think it was probably drugs and the people that came along with whatever he was doing weren't good people. I remember hearing my parents fight about him owing people money, but the next day the police showed up at our door saying my dad was found dead in an alleyway in Brooklyn which is where we lived at the time. My little sister"--tears started welling in his eyes--"my little sister, Grace, she was devastated, but she was too young to know why he died in the first place, let alone deal with his death. My mom had told me that we were moving after that. She thought it was best if we start fresh somewhere. One night she went to work like she always does and I was looking after Grace and next thing I know these guys show up to our house saying that my dad still owes them money and we'd end up like my dad if we didn't pay them."

He started crying and I had a feeling that wasn't the end of the story. Part of me didn't want to know what happened next.

"They killed her. They killed Grace that night. Shot her twice." He stared straight into my eyes with the most painful look. "I tried to save her, I did. I was her big brother; I'm supposed to protect her and I couldn't. They shot me too, but I pretended to be dead so they'd leave and after I heard the door shut, I crawled across the floor to see if she was still alive and I was just . . . I was too late, she was already gone."

I felt a tear slip out of my eye as I heard the pain in his voice through his sobs. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It just didn't seem real. He lifted up his shirt a bit to reveal the circular wound on his abdomen and I remembered seeing it once before, but I didn't know the story behind it.

"After they pronounced Grace dead and my time in the hospital my mom and I changed our last names and we moved different places. We've had to stay in contact with the police. You have to understand that I never wanted to get close to you because I knew if I got the chance to know you there wouldn't be any going back. And then . . . I got to know you and I hated myself. I hated that I couldn't stay away from you because it was just me being selfish. I had to lie to you because I couldn't bring you in deeper to this shit. If you got hurt I couldn't live with that. I already lost Grace and I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost you too. And when you did get hurt--because of me--I felt like shit. I knew I had to explain it to you--to make sense of it and the detectives did find the guys that the killed my sister and my dad after your accident. They were the same people that hit you. But I want you to know it's all over and I'm sorry that I had to lie to you. It was just to keep you safe."

"I don't know what to say," was all I managed to blurt out. I felt stupid that after that, that was all I could say, but I really didn't know what to tell him.

"You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know the whole story and if you still want nothing to do with me, I understand."

"I . . . that's the opposite of what I want. I feel stupid not giving you a chance to explain and  . . . I'm sorry. Logan, I'm so, so sorry." I slowly scooted towards him on the bed and wrapped my harms around him to hug him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that and I wish I could've met Grace, but I know she'd be proud of you for everything you've done." He sobbed into my shoulder and I stroked his hair.

He broke the hug and wiped his eyes. He looked at me and smiled, "She would have loved you, you know." He took my hand and his smile grew wider. "There is one small thing you should also know."

My expression fell flat, "What?"

"I'm not seventeen," he grimaced and started to laugh. I stood still worrying about how old he actually is. "Don't worry I'm not old or anything, it's just I had to lie about that too. I'm nineteen." I sighed in relief being glad he wasn't crazy older than me. "Also Carter isn't my last name."

"What is it then?"

"It's Johnson, but I think I like Carter better. I sound cooler." he chuckled which in return made me laugh.

"So any other bombs you wanna drop on me or were those two it?"

"No, I think that's it for today--actually one more thing." I got nervous again wondering what he was going to say. "

"I know what I just told you was a lot to process and I understand if you need time, but . . . I want to go out with you. I want to be your boyfriend and I want to know if that's what you want. Because for the first time in a long time I feel like I can be myself with you and not be afraid. And all I'm wondering is would you want that too?"

"Yes. I want that."

"Wait, really?!" He asked almost like he was surprised I have him an answer that quick.

I laughed, "Yes." I put my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. "I won't leave this time."

"Good."