Sekinat: Muted Voices

Chapter 15 :Unease

It has been said often times that an old person gets a tingling in their bone marrow each time they wander into a cemetery. This assertion both untested and unverified comes across as a

confusing paradox relating to the quiet burial ground considering its calm and peaceful ambience, as an avenue of final refuge. A place which set itself apart as a refuge of peace and serenity which should logically be preferred by 'the old' and retiring. Why would an old person be apprehensive or uneasy at the thought of a cemetery?

Several notions and hypothesis ensues however in answer to the confusing paradox some have also suggested that the rows of head stones, a dead body being interred exude an unnerving sense of cold certainty, one of incoming repose which logically resonates louder with a demographic much more advanced in age than someone much younger. The cold certainty of death which latches on to an old person's neck, teasing and taunting reminding them of their final journey which will invariably end with the cemetery gobbling up their inert form. That cold certainty which seem illustrative of something final, unnerving and more in courting feelings of suppressed panic.

The raft of emotions which closely relates to Sekinat's perturbed mood this early morning as she prepared for another day at the farm. Ever since she made the decision to relocate with her children from the town, she had been held by a permanent sense of panic which stubbornly held on to her heart no matter how hard she tried to dispel it. However, this feeling was quite different from the one she has been having for the past few weeks. She seemed overwhelmed by a creeping sensation of unease, a surreptitious 'feeling' which seemed to be slithering into every crevice, sinew of her mental subconscious.

She had been unable to sleep all night, twisting and turning unable to sleep hence woke up earlier than the muezzin's call tired, nervous a heavy spectre of unease hanging over her. Sekinat had been overcome by this bewildering sensation of impending doom almost as soon as she woke up to prepare for the day.

-Why am I having these feelings?

-Why is this happening to me she wondered?

-Why am i feeling this way she inquired of her inner self? even questioning her sanity, and state of mind.

She felt uncharacteristically moody today even more so than she normally did, especially since the sudden and unforeseen demise of her late husband.

She was unable to place her finger upon what exactly was wrong, nevertheless the niggling point relentlessly gnawed at her palpitating heart. The last time she had experienced such intensity of feelings and emotions had been the morning of her late husband's violent demise.

Today felt like an overwhelming spectre of dejavu vividly playing out again, as she tried to re-live an incident which elicits nothing, but the most extreme edge of sorrow each time she recalled the memory. An incident which sought to excavate painfully agonizing but long sequestered memories in her mind. A series of recollection which she would have preferred never to dwell on again. The day her world shattered into tiny smithereens.