Therapy

Hypocrite

*Mary's p.o.v*

"Mary...hear me out before you decided to kick me out." My mom pleaded.

"Why should I give you the time of day after everything you did to me, you're the reason I'm who I am today." I say angrily. 

"Just two minutes."

"Fine."

"I've been in rehab and recovery for 3 year now. I am 3 years sober and though everything is going smoothly, I realized the reason why I wanted to get better, it was you, and wanting to know my grandson, and getting to know Demi. I know I caused a lot of damage in the past, but that was my drinking and my way of coping with my own demons. Now I    know it isn't an excuse for hurting you, but please, give me a chance to gain your trust again, be the mother you've always wanted me to be." She began crying, didn't know that was an emotion she was capable of.

Should I forgive her? She's the reason I started hurting myself and the reason I have the demons that can't go away til this day. 

"Why should I forgive you? You ruined my life."

"I may have ruined your past but look at you, you have a beautiful son and wife. You're so successful, you're nothing like me."

"She's not my wife anymore, we couldn't last because the beautiful drinking and drugs ruined us too. It's like dealing with you never went away." I scoffed.

"Mary, I know what fucked up marriages and relationships are like, you and Demi are different, there's something so special there." 

As much as I hated to admit it, she was being honest, her relationships were always shit, and I    know in my heart that me and Demi are meant for each other. 

"Mom...what if you're tricking me, what if you hurt me?" I ask her.

"Do what you did last time, leave, never come back, never talk to me again, let me stay dead to you."

Her eyes were different, they weren't filled with bags and she no longer looked 30 years older than her actual age. She looked...sober. 

"Fine, I forgive you, but if you want to be back in my life you have to earn it." I say sternly.

"Thank you. Now I'm sorry to leave but I have an appointment with one of my alcoholic anonymous mentors." 

She left and part of me didn't feel so empty. 

"Hey Mar, I'm so sorry about that, but thank you for trying to stick up for me." I said giving her a hug.

"Max is at school, and no problem, also I need to talk to you about something."

My heart started to race. I hate when people say they need to talk to me about something because it's usually something bad and I can tell by her facial expression that she was serious. 

"Okay, I wasn't snooping, I went to your room to lay down because I wanted to know what the California king bed felt like, as I was about to lay down I hit your side table and something fell. I    didn't think anything of it but then I heard the sound of metal hit the floor, at first I thought it may have been some change but then realized that's not what coins sound like, then I went to pick up the piece of metal and it was a razor... Mary are you cutting again?" 

My heart was pounding so fast and I could feel my palms all clammed up. I knew I couldn't lie myself out of this one. 

"Yes, but it's not deep or anything or bad, I'm okay Mar." I smiled nervously. 

"No Mary, cutting isn't 'okay' it's hurting yourself, but what confuses me is why? Why did you relapse? You were doing so well and I thought therapy was helping." She was caressing my back.

"I don't know, it's been hard, being a single parent and having the girl you thought you'd be with forever in rehab, almost losing her, I  know I'm a hypocrite but I ... I'm tired." I admitted. 

"Well then maybe you should try rehab, it could help you know? I can always take care of Max!" Marissa offered. 

"No, I will not abandon my son!" I say sternly. 

"You're not abandoning him you're-"

I cut her off, "No Marissa."

She stays quiet and gives me a small awkward smile, but I knew that look, it was disappointment. 

After a few hours she left and I finally broke down. I cried until I couldn't anymore, until I felt numb, or nothing. 

I wanted to scream, Demi isn't here to hold me, but it would be selfish to want her here, we aren't together and I'm not her project she has to forever work on. But it's hard, wanting someone to help you but not wanting the attention. You suffer in silence and sometimes it does kill you. As I have the breakdown I black out and before I know it I have my gun in my hands. Should I ? 

"Fuck." I yell at the top of my lungs and throw the gun. 

It's eerily silent, then I hear my ringer go off. It's Demi's rehab. 

I answer and it's Demi Facetiming me. I  wipe my tears, splash some water on my face then show my face on camera. 

"Hey Dems, everything okay?"

"Yeah I just missed you...wait have you been crying?" Demi looks at me worryingly, she looks so cute with her little nose wrinkles when she gets serious.

"No my eyes watered because my dumb ass stubbed my toe." I chuckle.

She laughs and shakes her head.

"My clumsy ass Mary."

She said 'MY'. Oh my gosh. 

"Did you just say 'my' Mrs.Lovato?" I smirk.

"I'm not married, but did you just call me Mrs.Lovato?" She arches her eyebrows.

"ANYWAYS."

"That kiss.."

"What about it?"

"Was it in the moment Mary, or do you really want to try this again?" Her eyes showed her anxiety.

"Demi, you know my lips more than anyone, that was definitely a try again kiss." I smile at her. 

"Alright good, but I promise to do it the right way, I love you Mary." She slightly bites her lip.

Before I could answer or say it back she says to hold on that she was getting a phone call.

I  waited about 10 minutes before her Rehab popped up on my phone again.

As she answered I talk.

"I love you too Demetria." I wink at her. 

Her face was filled with concern which confused me.

"You relapsed?" she asks.

My heart sinks. Marissa.