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Gilblythe remember this? Back when we were both young and idiots? Back when we were "just friends" ? That was really stupid. Let's never do that again, okay? In case you don't remember... this same day I told you something that will never change : I love you, so, so much. Even if I'm not there to tell you in person, never forget that okay? I love you carrots, I always have, and I always will. 1,234,567 likes 567,456 comments —————————————————————
Cxleartist shirbert really just killed me
Dibarry you are right... you were idiots. Farmboi literally everyone saw it coming... Cxleartist for real I mean who denies their feeling for YEARS?! Jpye apparently Anne and Gilbert Gilblythe okay, we get it
AnnE I love you gil and yes, I remember. That whole "being friends" thing sucked. Also I miss u a lot please come home soon :( Gilblythe it really did :/ also I miss you a lot too, I'll come home soon, I promise. AnnE okay. I can wait... Gilblythe I love you Anne-Girl. More then you know AnnE I love you gil.
Anne's POV
The last five months have been a struggle.
Gilbert is gone and I miss him with every fiber in my being, Matthew is getting worse and his heart is growing weaker and weaker by the minute, and on top of all of that my flashbacks are getting almost unbearable.
My dear Matthew, seeing him so uncharacteristically weak is painful. I'm so used to being able to solve problems, but this one has no solution, leaving me feeling utterly helpless. The doctors don't think he has much time. I can't quite fathom it. My father, the one who loved me first, my kindred spirit is leaving me. How am i going to handle that? Ive had to stay unbreakably strong for him and Marilla. I've found it's desperately hard to be strong when you feel so useless.
Its incredible what a fake smile can hide isn't it?
No one seems to notice my heart break, it seems as though I'm hiding it well, which I am grateful for. I'm glad no one notices my voice breaking with threatening tears when I talk to him. The only time I let myself cry is late at night. I allow the silent sobs that have built up like waves in the back of my throat crash over me.
My flashbacks are getting more and more frequent, so many little things set them off that it's almost unbearable. The wounds seem to deepen every time I remember the pain. At the time, I got through it with the knowledge that it could be worse, but now, I guess the pain that I pushed down for so long is slowly seeping through my every action.
I feel like a ghost of myself.
I havent slept in probably weeks, I'm not entirely sure. Every morning I have to cover the heavy bags that are sitting-seemingly permanently- under my eyes. My body aches from the lack of rest, but I push it away. I won't be weak in front of anyone, I can't be. Besides I can handle this on my own, I can't be a burden to others. I just thank God that the only person who would see right through this fake smile is in New York right now.
My Gil, my safe place, is in New York. Missing someone is such a deep hurt, its like a dagger is plunged into my heart with every passing memory. My heart quite literally hurts in my chest with the yearning to run my fingers through his soft curls and hear his infectious laugh ringing like a symphony in my ears. To hear his sweet voice telling me "I love you" with so much passion and determination, like he needs me to know. The way his curls bounce uncontrollably on his forehead and how he loves when I push them away. The way name runs off his tongue like honey. The sparkle in his beautiful hazel eyes when I kiss his lovely pink lips.
I know if he were here I wouldn't be able to keep up this facade. He has a way of breaking down my walls, although I still haven't quite revealed my whole past to him, not because I don't trust him, I trust him more then anyone in the world but, putting it into words, saying it allowed, makes it all the more real. And I can't burden him with my hurt. It's mine to carry, and he has had such immense pain in his life already, he deserves to be incandescently happy for the rest of his life. The problem with not telling him my hurt is that I can barely speak to him without breaking down. It's all compiling, and I know if he asks it will be so hard to lie and say I'm fine. So I've been avoiding his calls, and when I do answer I do anything to change the topic away from me, knowing I'll crack.
~~~~~~~~~~~ Gilbert's POV.
I haven't talked to anne in a while so I decided to call her, I desperately miss her voice.
"Oh uh hi gil" she sighed, exhaustion ingrained in her normally cheery voice. Her voice was almost a whisper and sounded raspy and hurt.
"Hey anne-girl—- are you okay?" I questioned worriedly, she's been acting weird and avoiding my calls, I have no idea why.
"Hm? Oh yes, yep. Fine! Uhm.... how are you?"
Fine? She sounds terrible!
"you don't sound fine love, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing gil, I'm fine I promise. Can we just not talk about it?" Her voice cracked, it cracked. It only does that when she's really hurt.
Don't push her. She'll tell you when she's ready...right?
"We don't have to talk about it, but I know it's not nothing, so when you want to talk please call me okay? I hope you know I'm always here for you."
"I will, and thank you gil.... so uh how is New York?"
~~~~~
Changing the subject. Why does she keep doing that? Now she rarely ever has "time to talk" or she keeps the conversation light, never actually talking about anything important. I know she's trying hard to keep a strong front for me, but I can see right through it.
There's something wrong with her, I can feel it. It had been almost a year since her panic attack and I can't help but worry that her anxiety is coming back.
She has said it's somewhat about her past before, but she doesn't seem to ever tell me what exactly happened to her before she moved to Avonlea. I can only assume it was bad, since she seems to tense up around random events all the time, like when a baby cries on a plane, or if she sees mice in a pet store. She even flinches when I reach for a belt in a store, which absolutely terrifies me. What had happened to her to cause these things?! It makes my blood boil just thinking of how anyone could treat such an incredible person so terribly.
I am also worried that this is all surfacing because of Matthew's weak condition. I know better then anyone how hard it is to see such a strong figure in your life look so small and helpless. I can hardly fathom how much she has already gone through and now to loose her father?! I wish so badly I could just carry the pain for her, that I could feel the heart break instead of her. But all I can do is talk to her through my stupid phone in this crappy New York apartment, which makes me feel utterly useless.
Diana also texted me today about Matthew, she said that he isn't looking good and doesn't have much longer, so I bought a plane ticket for this weekend, I just pray I can be there before it happens. Hopefully I can be of some comfort to Anne, if she misses me even a sliver of the amount that I miss her, I know at least that will be a relief, but I can only hope I make it in time.
