you would always dance around half naked on my bed; the index and middle finger of your left hand tucking the cigarette in between tightly, whilst your right hand held the bottle of cheap wine you bought from the 7/11 down the road
you loved turning the lights off in my apartment for fun, choosing to rely on the luminescent reflection emerging from the bustling streets of seoul
i would [indecipherable handwriting] and dance with you
you made me feel like i was normal
and i thought it was special, in my own way
i loved you tipsy
so sweet and gentle and caring —
you would kiss my forehead,
then my lips,
then my forehead
when the sun came up and the moon hid once more, i would play with your hair until you woke up, i think my fingers on your skin kept you comfortable,
only waking up because the bright rays of the sun were desperate to touch you
i would be, too...
after all, you are immaculate
we would kiss and cuddle and [indecipherable handwriting]
you would get up just to cook me breakfast —
anything i wanted, you promised...
and you managed to keep it each morning.
during the rainy days, we would sit together by the large windows of my home
you would ask me questions as i took small sips of my tea,
as if i was a mystery
and you were trying to know me piece by piece
after spending the days and nights together
you would make sure the hallway was empty
before you left apartment 507 to go on with your life,
you would kiss me goodbye
and i would close the door
sit on my couch and be angry...
thinking about what i just did,
wishing you would just give up...
i broke your heart again
and again
and again.
i loved having you around
it made me feel safe
the idea of being with you had crossed my mind multiple times,
but i'd always end with the conclusion that
i only fell in love with our nights,
not with you.
