Closer with you (ongoing)

CHAPTER 1

Dear Kim Yong Sun:

Congratulations on your acceptance into the Educational Counseling Master of Science (MS) Program at Seoul National University's College of Education.

Disbelief. Shock.

What she wanted to do was scream and cry. What she did was sit at her desk, both elbows propped up, hands covering her mouth, remaining as silent as possible. The office was empty, as expected of a Friday afternoon with half an hour until five p.m. Two of her three officemates had already left for the weekend and the third, her supervisor, was probably upstairs socializing with the Communications department. Yongsun sat at her desk, alone and at a loss for words.

To say that the past year had been a trying one would be an understatement. After graduating last spring, Yongsun refused to move back to her hometown. She loved her family—everything that she did was to ease their burden and make them proud—but they did not understand her and her ambitions at all. The first in the family to go to college, Yongsun often viewed this accomplishment as an inconvenience. Everyone viewed her as "gifted," the one with all the answers. She was capable of excelling in the classroom, yes, but there were many opportunities that she missed out on because no one around her alerted her to their existence. They themselves were unaware. Yongsun struggled through the application process for undergraduate programs and barely met financial aid deadlines; the extensive list of scholarships and grants made for students like her: those coming from working class families, those with the passion and demonstrated talent for writing, first-generation college students, went unbeknownst to her. Instead of refund checks, socializing, and enjoying free time, she graduated having worked three jobs each semester. The list of ways in which being the first in the family set her back was endless. Still, she graduated and her parents were none the wiser about her struggles; thanks to her hard work, they never had to pay a cent for her education and the additional expenses that came along with it. Her room was never lavishly decorated, and she had to be crafty about acquiring the obscenely expensive textbooks and course codes that each class required, but she graduated. That in itself was an accomplishment.

The months leading to graduation, Yongsun's classmates uploaded post upon post on social media announcing their next steps: graduate and medical schools; highly coveted and high-paying consulting jobs; service work overseas; engagements. There she was, once again, feeling less than. Graduating from one of the country's most elite institutions, yet she felt like a bum. Conversations with her parents, unbeknownst to them, helped only to confirm that feeling.

"What kind of jobs can you get with a degree in history?" she remembers her mother asking her one day, having called unexpectedly.

"Lots of jobs," Yongsun responded, expertly navigating through the overpopulated campus paths full of students that had recently been set free from their afternoon classes. With the dining hall a few feet away, she was ready to say whatever it took to get off the call as soon as possible.

"Can you make money with those 'lots of jobs'?"

"You can get any type of job with any type of degree, mother."

"Okay, okay! Don't bite me. I just want to make sure that you're in a stable situation once you graduate."

"Mmhmm. I have to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye. Be safe."

"Thanks. I'll try."

Yongsun chuckled remembering that day. Her mom did not deserve the frosty responses. In her defense, though, she had been hungry and her post-graduation plans were unclear. There was no way she would ever admit the latter to her mother; it would only make Yongsun feel like more of a disappointment.