Flightless Bird

Slipping Up

Stepping onto the subway on Friday morning, I carefully wiped the bleariness from my eyes before holding onto a metal pole for balance. The train car was crowded today, filled with tourists and business people alike. It was comforting to know that I was now one of the latter.

I was drained, both mentally and physically, from weary nights and an incredibly stressful work week. Not only did I have a short training and orientation period, but I was thrown into the job full force without a chance to catch my breath. If I was any less prepared I'd have failed miserably within the hour I'd stepped into the building.

Thankfully, however, I was beginning to feel as if I could finally tread the waters of a professional career, and I was beginning to understand the mannerisms of that impossible man whom I recognize as my boss.

Mr. Knightly had been brutal, throwing assignments and paper work at me any chance he'd gotten. I found that the better I did at work the more expectations rose for me in the office. From Knightly, it was most likely a matter of time that I screwed up again, and he must fully expect to discover my inefficiency.

I hope he will find himself disappointed.

Thalia looks at me as if I'm some wonder, as if I've tamed a dragon or conquered some awesome feat of bravery, but I find her expectations too high and far too unattainable.

Had I 'tamed' this man, the office would be less stressful to show up to. Regardless of the state of mind to keep alert and on the ball, this fatigue was catching up to me, the pain and injuries accumulated across my flesh ailing me from focusing on any one thing for long.

Today I will take advantage of the coffee bar. It's been since the first lunch, which Thalia so graciously bought, that I'd eaten anything, as the apple and crusts were crushed when discovered by Samuel....

I had to be on my A game today, as Mr. Knightly says I've passed the probation period to be allowed attendance at his meetings (which in his case, implies that I have no choice but to go, for my job will be at stake if I do not follow his command). Taking notes has never been a problem for me, and I take pride in my meticulous and organized documentation of occurrences. In college, it was this which carried me through to the President's list, along with near-perfect attendance.

Learning was my escape, and I cherished my freedom that I found in college. I wished so much to have kept in touch with my friends, but shortly after the end of college my father sent me off to this shadow of a man, to be his bride forever more. Things didn't work out that way, thankfully, though I am still under Samuel's roof (paid for by myself) under the pretense of ardent lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend. I know that if anyone were to question the status of my living, he would not hesitate to slap a ring (most definitely fake) onto my finger and act as if we'd gotten engaged. I couldn't bear the thought of such an eternity, stuck in the same cycle until death do us part.

Unfortunately that's how it seems to go, and all I can do is work to try to alleviate the burden of financial instability on top of the physical and emotional ones.

My ankles throbbed as I stepped off the train and made my way up the stairs, a result of my legs being swept out from under me too many times, last nights involving a tumble down the stairs. I was glad that I managed to dig up an old pair of black flats, the kind that laces up elegantly like a ballerina's, though less ribboned and more formal. If I had tried to wear the usual pumps I would have fallen too many times. At least the weekend will mean less movement for me, though I shuttered to think of how I would truly be spending my time.

I paused at the elevator as I waited patiently, checking my phone to make sure I was prepared. My eyes bulged when I saw a message from Thalia, sent 30 minutes ago, telling me to make sure I was at least 10 minutes early today to prepare the board room.