voices. • the third book in the mute. series • muke au

red.

when you should really be studying for exams but u 'accidentally' draw harry styles

procrastination at its finest

i loveee it do u lovee itt??

hugz and tickles

-carlee

Luke.

I woke up to the smell of warms bacon, and just for a second, I forgot where I was. I was still have asleep, I smiled at the scent. I loved it when Michael made breakfast.

I open my eyes, rubbing them lightly as reality set in.

I wasn't at home, I was there.

My heart sank and my hands began to shake. April. I need to get April, and we need to get out of here now. For good.

I struggle to get on my sweats and a loose tee shirt. My shoes are laced and I prepare myself just to calmly get April and grab the car keys and get the hell out of here. I take a deep breath, pulling open the door and cautiously walking to the kitchen. Calum's back was to me as he was frying up bacon and of course...pancakes. April sat on the counter by him and watched as he flipped the pancakes. She giggled as he attempted to flip it while it was still in the pan, like on those cooking shows.

"You did it Cal!" she giggled, clapping. He did a little bow and kissed her head.

"Do you think we should go give these to daddy?" he asks, putting food on a plate.

"Cal?" she asked sweetly, making Calum stop what he was doing. He leaned down so he was eye level with her.

"Yes princess?" he asked, making my stomach churn.

"Do you love daddy?"

"Yes, Ido. But guess what?"

"What?"

"I love you too." he kissed her forehead again and turned to see me standing behind the doorway, spying.

"Awe, daddy! We were going to bring you breakfast in bed!" April exclaimed. Calum came closer to me, pulling me away from the safety of my wall and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't hug back. He kissed my cheek.

"Morning babe. You hungry?" he asked casually. I just stare at him blankly. "C'mon I made bacon!" he playfully says, poking my stomach.

"Can I have chocolate milk?" April pipes up. An idea pops into my head. Thank God for April.

"O-Oh honey, we are all out. W-Why don't we go and buy some while Calum finishes breakfast?" I stumble out. "Calum? Where are the keys?" I ask as nicely as possible, without making eye contact.

"Oh, shoot. Sorry Lukey, there was something wrong with brakes...I took it to the shop today. Yeah, it might be awhile until it gets fixed." he smirks at me, fucking smirks.

My breathing gets quicker as i start to panic, like full on panic...i can't control it...I'm having another panic attack.

The edges around my vision gets fuzzy and red, I am shaking, it feels like someone's hands are wrapped around my throat.Naturally, just makes me freak out even more. Calum rushes to my side, as April lets out a little yelp. She had never seen me have a panic attack, it was something I never wanted her to me have.

"Daddy!" she begins to cry.

"Shh, sweetheart it's okay, he's gonna be fine." Calum soothes her as he rubs my back. "Luke, what do I do?" he whispers to me, he sounded so worried, as if he was on the verge of tears I just wanted to push him away from me as hard as I could, but I didn't have the energy. "It's okay babe." he whispers pulling me into a hug, making me flip out even more.

I was stuck here.

There was no way to leave, and even if there was, were the hell would I go?

~

Calum had finally fallen asleep, and I was itching for something all day. The only thing that could take all the pain away, the thing that made me forget. It always come back, no matter what.

I creep out of bed, careful not to wake him and lock myself in the bathroom. I search the cabinets for it, finally stumbling across a brand new one. I rip it from it's packaging and carefully remove me escape. The cool metal makes me shiver as I slump onto the floor.

I hold my breath, tracing over the old fainted scars. It had been years. The thought of doing this again made me want to scream, but I knew it was the only thing I could do right now to just breath.

That used to be Michael, he was the only thing that could keep me sane.

He wasn't here now.

Earlier, I had tried to call him, using Calum's phone. He didn't answer. I wonder if he was still in the hospital...if he was okay. What if he wasn't? I would know, if it weren't for Calum. This whole thing actually, Calum's fault. I kissed him, I let him take Michael away from me. I mean, I still don't trust him after what he said and what he did. But it doesn't mean I don't love him. I need him. I need him.

I need Michael.

The red gathered on my wrist and spilled over, making a little sliver of crimson tickle down my arm. I did it again, and again.

And again

And again, until all I could see was red.

Red covering my forearm, red gathered in drops onto my lap, red pooled on the white tile in front of me. Red splattered against the wall in tiny dots you could barely see. Red covering my vision. Everything was just red

Red is deep anger that only comes out from pain. Red is believing, and then having doubt. Red reeks of revenge, of suffering and hate. It’s the anger of crying when you feel you’ve broken the most important promises.Red is that voice, deep in your head, that slowly breaks you down.It mocks you silently with a voice full of hate, “You can’t do it, you are weak.”Red feels like fire, singeing your heart, It’s wanting to be together, but having to part. Red is running through desert and sun, It’s needing a friend, but having none.Red is the heart that’s been broken in two, It’s hearing those lies, and wondering if they're true. Red is the only color I can see.

Red is all I can, see, feel, think, and drown in when he touches me.

It happens when they both do, just in different ways.

With Michael, is passionate and beautiful and warm, like fire.

But with Calum, it's angry and desperate and just wrong, hideous, like blood.

Everything is red.

So red.