It Burns Within Us | Wildfire Series Book 1

F O U R

B R E N

I stared at my statistics homework and tried to remember why the hell I decided to go to college.

I mean, I knew why. College was my chance at normalcy and at fitting in. Belonging.

But I was lost.

Second grade. The last time I truly felt like I fit in at school was in the second grade. In third grade, I started getting pulled out to work in little room with Ms. Anderson. She would help me learn my addition facts when all of the other students were already starting on multiplication and division.

I didn't like leaving class, but I also didn't really mind working with Ms. A. She was easily my favorite teacher. She understood.

Middle school. That was when I realized I was in special ed. But by then it was more of an idea than a place. The school got savvier about how to deal with kids like me. Specialized teachers would co-teach with math teachers, and everything was just a little more...discreet. But people still knew. They always knew.

Everyone assumed I was dumb. No surprise there. Which, right now—staring at my statistics—I was feeling pretty dumb.

I did earn solid B's in English, though. And I think those B's were what fooled me into thinking I could go to college, and everything would be fine.

Everything was not fine.

I froze, hearing that little bit of sunshine that I'd come to learn was the voice of Madie Lenertz. I couldn't see her yet, but I heard her. Even though I was sitting in the far corner of the dorm commons, I heard her.

As bright as a sunny fucking day.

Another voice—lower and very male—sounded, and I grimaced.

My mood had no room in it for Madie's boyfriend. I didn't really want to see anyone; I was only sitting out here because Beau was on FaceTime with his parents, and I wanted to give them some privacy.

It was clear the moment that Madie and Quinton rounded the corner because her light chattering grew a little louder, a little brighter. Struggling with the inner battle of whether or not to lift my head and say hi, I fiddled with my pencil, letting it hit the keys on my Macbook. The letter b repeated across my screen. I ignored it.

Losing the battle, my head popped up right as Madie looked in my direction.

"Oh hey, Bren," she said happily.

Madie immediately started in my direction, but Quinton held onto her wrist, his face impassive. She didn't seem bothered though; she just tugged her towering boyfriend with her.

I should have left my head down, pretended to be invisible. I'd always been good at being invisible. But for some reason, I couldn't hide from her.

"Hi, Madie. Quinton." I nodded my head at him, and he gave a grunt in reply. I'd seen Quinton a few times in the halls and around campus. Surprisingly, he usually smiled. When he wasn't around Madie, he actually looked...nice.

Not now. Definitely not now.

Madie bounced toward me, wearing leggings and a giant sweatshirt that seemed to be swallowing her up. I was sure it belonged to the footballer behind her. "How's the homework coming?" 

I shook my head. "It's definitely been better."

"You should just come to tutoring," she said, smiling softly.

I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. Who knew what even possessed me to tell her about my learning disability before. College was supposed to be a fresh start, and there I was just telling the first girl that asked how part of my brain was demented.

She didn't seem to catch my disinterested hint. "The tutors are really—"

"Madie," Quinton cut in, his tone bored. Impatient. "Babe, let's go."

I was torn between relief and annoyance at his interruption. Madie's eyes flashed in irritation, but she merely lifted one shoulder nonchalantly. "Right. Sorry Bren, gotta go."

The words flew out of her mouth as she began walking backward, Quinton still holding her wrist. I waved goodbye, a little baffled, and then they were both gone.

Sighing, I tried to focus on my statistics, but it felt harder than before. My brain kept getting stuck on Madie. Madie and her weird relationship with Quinton. Then again, maybe it wasn't weird. My experience with girlfriends was minimal. Nonexistent, one might say.

"Hey man, you can come back to the room now," Beau shouted, and I jerked my head up, almost grateful for the distraction. He walked toward me, frowning. "Yo, what's with the long face?"

I cleared my throat. "Nothing. Just..." I sighed. "Statistics." Tilting my head to the side, I debated. "And Madie Lenertz."

Beau grabbed the chair on the other side of the table I was sitting at and twisted it around. He plopped down in it, leaning on the back of the seat, facing me. "I can tell by the look on your face that you haven't left her alone like I told you to."

"Actually, I have." I defensively raised my hands. "She won't leave me alone."

Beau lifted a brow, and I immediately corrected him. "Not like that, man. She's just being nice and saying hi and whatever."

And asking me to walk back to the dorms with her. It was just as innocent of a gesture, but I hadn't wanted the walk to end the other day. That strawberry-blonde hair had blown wildly about her face as she wrapped herself in my jacket, hugging it to her.

My roommate's eyebrow did not lower from its ridiculously high position on his forehead. "Then why does your face look like that." He stuck an intrusive finger in my face, waving it around.

I smacked it out of the way. "Statistics." It was only half a lie.

Beau dropped his act. "Have you tried going to office hours? Or I heard that campus has some tutoring opportunities."

"No," I growled, knowing it came out a little stronger than I had meant for it to. "Why does everyone think I need tutoring? It's fucking fine. I just need to concentrate."

Beau's eyes grew wide, and he leaned back with a whistle. "I know what you need," he said eventually.

"What?" I snapped.

"Oh yeah," he said. "You definitely need to go out tonight."

"No." I shut him down. "It's Thursday, and I am not ready for class tomorrow." 

I pointed to my statistics. As much as I hated to admit it, it was my priority. 

"Then study up!" Beau slammed his hand down on the table before standing and backing away.

I glared at the ridiculous grin on his face. Going out was a terrible idea, but I also didn't know how to say no to the only friend I had. Because as much I'd like to be Madie's friend, I knew that would never be a possibility—not with Quinton around.

Besides, maybe going out would make me feel normal. And that was all I really wanted, right?

🖤
Thanks for reading chapter four of It Burns Within Us!
xoxo amelie