Ender Wiggin's Last Game

Altruist

Ender was fuming. He knew Quincy would pull something like this. Something to stupid, so pointless.

Ender knew and yet he could do nothing. Graff told him about the switch out, that Mazer wouldn't really command the ship.

But if he had known who was to command the ship in his stead, the personality... Ender wouldn't have approved it.

If only he had known before they left. Before they were out of reach.

After Ender read the letters, after they contacted the nearest station, he went back to his room. It was nearly time for bed anyway and Ender needed time alone. Time to process.

He couldn't help but be angry. Angry at Quincy, himself, and God for putting everyone in this situation.

Was this their punishment for leaving Earth?

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. How many colonists were dying right this moment because of Ender's incompetence?

How many would die because of Ender?

Ender sat on his bed for no more than twenty minutes, head in hands, before he heard the door open.

He didn't move but kept his position. There was no need. Ender knew who it was.

The weight in Ender's chest made it hard to breathe and even harder to concentrate.

Questions and their invariable answers ran through Ender's mind in a loop, but he couldn't accept it.

"Ender."

For the first time, Ender wished desperately that he was in control again.

"Ender."

He wished he could think up a quick escape for the people on Shakespeare. Another cheat. Like in the battle room. Like in the last Formic war when he blew up their homeworld. Ender had to think of a solution.

But not like with the Formics. Ender didn't want to have anybody else killed and the only way he could win against the Formics was to annihilate them. Ender didn't want to kill Quincy.

If Ender had just done something while he could, nobody would be in this situation. The colonists would be safe, and maybe Morgan would be on a different ship, heading to a different destination.

And Ender began to feel his heart constrict in his chest, because in that moment he realized something. Something that broke him.

It was my fault that Morgan was acting this way. He was jealous of me.

Ender was brought out of his thoughts just before the tears could build up. Meiji's had grabbed Ender, kneeling down to be level with him.

"Hey, brat, are you even listening?"
Meiji shook Ender, both of his hands gripping Ender's shoulders.

Ender looked up at Meiji. His head felt heavy on his neck and the muscles in his back felt strained. He took a breath, feeling his chest expand, but not being able to appreciate it.

"Stop fucking pouting. This isn't your fault."

How did he know that's what I was thinking? It doesn't matter. He's wrong anyway. It is my fault.

Ender's gaze traveled down back to his hands.

"Ender," Meiji said warningly.
"Look at me."

Ender did what he was told, but he didn't think it would help. Ender had to think of a way to maker sure the people on Shakespeare survived, not focus on his mental health.

Meiji's icy cold stare bored into Ender, but Ender could hardly muster up the interest to care about that.

"We've done all we can about the colonists. It's not the time for self-pity."

"That's not what this is."

"Don't lie to me, brat," Meiji said, pushing Ender away. Ender wavered but didn't fall, placing a hand on the bed to catch himself.
"I get it. You want to save them, but there's nothing you can do. It's not your place. Leave it to the IF."

Ender grit his teeth. "How do you know there's nothing we can do? Surely there's something we've overlooked."

Meiji placed a hand on Ender's cheek. His toush was gentle. He dragged his hand to the back of Ender's neck and pulled him forward. Meiji's expression was intense. Ender knew that in any other situation, he would melt under the pressure of Meiji's glare.

"There is nothing you can do. Stop blaming yourself or I'll do what I fucking came here to do and pummel you to death."

Right, Ender thought, because death threats are going to make me feel better.

"If it's not my fault, then who's is it?" Ender asked, his voice expressing anger that wasn't there.

"My fault. China's fault. The goddamned Admiral's fault. But never yours, understand?"

Ender shook his head, a laugh rising from his throat. "But I'm at the center of it all, aren't I? Morgan never would have gotten the chance to take advantage of the situation of there were someone more capable than me on the ship. China wouldn't have sent two people to chase after us if I weren't there. You wouldn't be here if you thought you wouldn't have a chance to kill me."

The colonists wouldn't be dying a gruesome death if I just wasn't on the ship.

Much to Ender's surprise, Meiji slapped him. It was hard and precise and it made Ender fall to the side.

Before Ender had a chance to react, Meiji pulled him back up by his shirt, his knuckles white.

"It's not your fault, dumbass!" Meiji's voice was closer to a growl than a yell. It was the only way Ender could tell just how angry he was.
"How many times do I have to say to get it through your thick skull? Or would you rather I beat the idea into your brain?"

Ender shook his head. He didn't think he needed a beating. If he did he would have asked for one long ago.

Meiji took a breath in and then slowly exhaled. "You are the most altruistic son of a bitch I've ever met."

"And you're the most violent oomay I've ever met."

Meiji sighed, letting go of Ender's shirt and pushing him back again. This time a lot more gently.

Ender touched a hand to his cheek. It stung.

"Ender, you don't dictate what others say or do. If I catch you talkin' like that again I swear I'll leave a bruise. None of this is your fault. We are all responsible for our own actions and saying that it's your fault is the same as playing God. Just don't fucking do it."

Ender didn't talk. He knew Meiji was right. He shouldn't have taken it all on himself.

"You're right. It's arrogant of me. That doesn't change how I feel."

"It doesn't have to."

"Then what do you expect to get out of this?"

"I wasn't going to get anything from the beginning."

"Who's being altruistic now?"

"I'm being a good friend."

"Friends slap each other?"

"Only when the other really needs it."

____ ____ ____

Hello!

Here's a question:

If Ender had a quirk, what would it be?

(Quirk as in Boko no Hero Academia Quirk)

Anyway, have a lovely day my little nerds!