YOLO Means You Only Love Once

Prologue

My mother was never perfect, but she pretended to be. Father wasn't perfect either, but he portrayed himself to be. My brother definitely wasn't perfect because of his past, but he desperately wanted to be. Ciai was never perfect, but she had her ways to make people believe otherwise, and so did I.

I was considered the perfect daughter, the perfect child. I never wanted that. I didn't want any of it. I didn't want the fame. I didn't want the attention. The money. The gifts. The clothes. The opportunities. I never earned it. I didn't want it, and I definitely did not deserve any of it.

I hate the concept of perfection. Everything is flawed, you might not notice it, but it is. Look at the dim light in your room, that's not perfect. Look at that window, that's not perfect either and it never will be. You see, these objects portray themselves to be the spitting image of perfection but they never will be perfect, no matter how hard they try.

It's the same thing with us. Let me enlighten you on what I mean. Things or perfect people don't have to try, and nobody like that exists. People never get within 100 feet of perfection, everyone is far from it. Nobody is closer to it, and nobody is further from it. We're all stuck on the same piece of chewing gum that's stuck on the sidewalk, and we're not going anywhere anytime soon.

I felt stuck. Always have and I always thought that I would. You see, because my parents thought I was perfect, they wouldn't let me have the normal childhood I'd always hoped I could have. I never got to hang out with the people I wanted to. I never got to choose my friends, not even Ciai. All my friends were forced on me. I didn't want any of it. I wasn't one for socializing.

All I really wanted was to take a step back and breathe. I always felt like life was always being forced on me. I couldn't deal with that. It was way too much pressure. People envied me, that was the worst part. People actually wanted to be me. Can you believe that? They wanted to be the 'perfect' Faye Myers!

Little did they know that I wasn't perfect. That was a lie. My life was a lie. Everything was always going to be a lie. I was stuck. I always was. I was stuck in between the two options that were left for me to decide. Stay or leave?

What's option one you may ask? I could stay here- in New York- my home. I could continue living this lie to the fullest. Option two? I could leave and go to Massachusetts. I wonder what life is like there. I could slip up without notice.

I could have so much more freedom. I wouldn't be trapped in a display case for the whole world to see anymore. I could venture out and make my own imperfect mark on the world. I wouldn't hate myself anymore. I- What am I saying? I would always hate myself. I would always hate myself because of Levi Knox and Zeke Winston. They were the reason that I had to continue the lie of perfection.

I would never have the things I wanted because of these god awful perfect men. If I stayed, I would have a suiter named Levi Knox. If I left? I think you already know. I'll say it anyway. I'd have the other suiter, Zeke Winston. I would never be freed. It doesn't matter if I tried to be imperfect to get out of it. Even if I could do that without going back to JHH (John Hopkins Hospital, a psych ward). I wouldn't make it very far.

I guess even perfect people have flaws. I never asked for this, but just like Maya Angelou said: "You may not control all of the events that happened to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." I don't live by that, but I should. I don't do a lot of things, but I probably should.

A lot of events happened that led up to JHH, I never want to relive them. The thing about me is that I do a lot of things that I probably shouldn't do too. Some things I do I can't help. One of those mess-ups that I have is when I relive my past.

Oh, do I remember? I remember when I had said that I wanted to be a teacher and not a lawyer. That had gone a lot worse than I had anticipated. I remember thinking to myself that it couldn't have that bad of an outcome before I went into the kitchen to tell my parents what I wanted. I remember the harsh words said to me. Oh, I remember. I will always remember. It won't make any difference if I tell you. Why not?

*

I had always known in my heart that I wanted to be a teacher- specifically a grammar teacher. My father had always pushed the dream of being a lawyer on me, even though personally I had never wanted that. Ever. Not even now. Not even once.

I knew that that day was the day that I should tell them. They both seemed like they were in a decently good enough mood that day. Even though I didn't want to ruin that mood for them, it was then or never. I started my descent down the stairs cautiously, being alert for any bad vibes. I made my way into the kitchen, greeted with my parents as they had their 'perfect' cup of coffee.

"Good morning Faye!" My mother greeted me in a chirpy tone as she set her coffee down on the breakfast bar.

"How did you sleep, Faye?" My father asked as he checked his watch and brought his coffee up to his lips as he patiently waited for an answer.

"Good morning, Mother, Father. I slept okay. How did you both sleep?" I replied respectfully while I walked up to the breakfast bar, and placed my hands on the smooth wood as I leaned against it.

"We're glad you slept well. We slept perfectly. Thank you for asking." My mother replied. My father moves away from the breakfast bar and grabs some eggs and bread.

"Mother, Father. There's something that I've been wanting to talk to you about." I stated trading looks at my feet and my parents.

"What is it, sweetie? You look anxious." My mother asked as she analyzed me. Having a shrink as a mother sucks.

"I-," I started speaking as my eyes averted their attention away from the floor and into my parent's eyes. "I don't want to be a lawyer," My parents looked shocked at this. "I want to be a teacher. I want to be a grammar teacher. I've never wanted to be a lawyer. I have always wanted to be a teacher." As I say this my eyes averted their attention back to the floor, showing cowardness.

"Faye. What do you mean? You've always wanted to be a lawyer! Why are you saying this now? You're going to be going to Harvard next year!" My father lectured me as a lump had begun to swell up in the back of my throat.

"After all I've done for you! After all WE'VE done for you?! YOU'RE GOING TO SCREW UP YOUR WHOLE FUTURE FAYE!" My mother screamed at me.

"I- I'm sorry?" I said as more of a question than a statement.

"Sorry isn't good enough Faye. Not this time. We have done so much for you to help you accomplish your dream, and now you're telling us that you don't want that dream anymore?" My father stated.

"You know what? I NEVER wanted this! I never wanted to be a lawyer! I've always wanted to be a teacher! You pushed being a LAWYER ON ME! I DIDN'T WANT THIS! I- I never wanted any of this. Never did, never will." I said.

"Faye. We don't care if you think you changed your mind. We have all put in way too much effort to back out now. Besides, being a teacher wasn't going to get you very far anyway." My mother says hastily. I sighed and looked down in defeat. There wasn't much to do at that point anyway. It's funny how one decision can change your whole life. I have so many skeletons in my closet that I hope nobody uncovers.

A//N: I hope you enjoy this new book! Tell me what you think! :)