Closer to You (Book One ✓)

T H I R T Y - T H R E E

A couple of weeks have passed since I moved out of Nadine's apartment, since I read the letter. I've gone back and forth with myself, torn between reaching out with a letter of my own and just leaving it to rest. In the end, the latter option won out, although not really by my own choice.

I squint painfully behind my sunglasses, my eyes raw and swollen. My heels sink in the soft soil of the cemetery, the heat beating down on me extra strongly, dressed head to toe in black. Father Jack reads one of Nana's favorite Bible passages but I barely hear the words, too busy staring at the dark wooden coffin in front of me. If I hear the words, they'll be real, and I'm not ready to let go of Nana just yet.

I guess I knew the end was coming, and Nana had always said she just wanted to live to see me graduate from college. So I can't really complain, but still, the emptiness I feel in my chest begs to differ. Nadine squeezes my hand tightly as Gemma leans her head on my opposite shoulder. Kim rubs slow circles on my back to comfort me, but I'm barely aware of my friends presence. Not that I'm not grateful, I just can't think of anything except how hard it is to breathe.

As we bow our heads to pray, I blink back tears, knowing it's much harder to keep them back when no one is watching. My chest aches, I miss her so much. I thought losing Mom and Dad was hard, but losing the last family I had left is even more devastating.

The priest calls me forward and I place a single red rose on her coffin, taking a moment to truly say my goodbyes. "I'll miss you forever, Nana." My voice cracks before I step back to let others lay down their roses. Abigail from the nursing home, along with other staff and some other families with loved ones there, step forward and I'm reminded that Nana was loved. Not just by me, but by so many others. The thought is slightly comforting, but ultimately doesn't do much to numb the ache.

I take a deep breath, feeling a tear glide down my cheek. Tuning out most of the services, I try to focus on memories of Nana that make me smile. Her insane obsession with professional baseball and wool socks, her loud laughter and witty comments, the way she could make any situation seem like a positive. After I'm not sure how long of distracting myself, the crowd begins to thin and people drive away, leaving me standing in front of the freshly dug grave.

"I'll wait for you in the car. Take all the time you need," Nadine kisses my hair and squeezes me tightly before walking away and giving me space to mourn in private.

I slump into a park bench a few feet from the grave, the sight of the overturned dirt making me nauseous.

Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back to the sky, letting the sunshine fall on my face and dry my tears. I can do this, I remind myself firmly. I am not alone. Even if it feels like it right now. I've got Gemma and Nadine, and Kim and Val when our work schedules allow. Even Riley sent me a message expressing his condolences. I try to remind myself that even if Nana is gone now, too, I still have family.

The sound of someone approaching grabs my attention and I jerk my head in their direction. I was sure everyone had left already.

My breath catches in my throat as I'm met face to face with a particular bed head that at one point, had grown so familiar to me.

Unable to help myself, my mouth pops open in shock. All of these years later and the first time I ever saw him comes rushing back. Long dark hair that was always in his eyes is pushed off his forehead now, and a few more tattoos creep out from the collar of his shirt, but still, he will always be the same to me. The same crazy guitar player I fell so hard for.

"Emma, I hope you don't mind that I came. I'm so sorry for your loss," Beau's voice is soft and calm, no sarcasm or anger at all. "Peggy was a great lady,"