𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

WASTING YOUR TIME

i stepped out of the booth, sitting in a chair beside stokeley as jahseh did all of his studio work, overlapping his rap with my singing.

i sighed, leaning back in the chair and shut my eyes, feeling tired even though i hadn't done much more than just sing, and i listened to the song get pieced together by jahseh, smiling once he got it entirely lined up the way he liked it.

"what y'all think?" he asked, playing it over again, this time perfectly adjusted.

stokeley got up and started punching jahseh in the back, screaming excitedly. "i fucks with it, all of them!"

jahseh smiled, saving the files for the three songs we'd made, and then got up and jumped on me in a big hug, almost knocking me out of the chair and making us both fall.

"i love youuuuu!" he shouted, making my face blush and my heart beat start racing.

fuck.

i laughed it off, ruffling his dreads. "i love you too."

but it hurt, because i knew i meant it way more than he did. i actually loved him, and i was in love with him. it wasn't just a friendly love, not on my end. but i knew it wasn't mutual, i could tell.

he got up off of me, kissing me on the forehead, which only made my face redder, and i looked down, tucking my hair behind my ear and glancing at my phone, even though there was nothing on it.

"aight let's go, i'm tired." he said, and everyone nodded their agreement and got up, making their way out of the studio and into the car.

it was dark out, and i laid my head against the window and shut my eyes, though i knew i wouldn't sleep at all because the voices in my head were chattering around nonstop.

"i mean, honestly, if you love him and he doesn't love you, what's the point of anything? you're wasting your time."

i sent a mental note for that voice to shut up, but i don't think she got it.

"you act like you didn't know what you were in for anyway. how any times did we have to tell you to avoid love and attachment at all costs?"

i groaned lowly, hoping the sound of my voice would drown out the sound of theirs, but i couldn't. i was one against many, i could never compete with them.

the other voice revealed itself, shouting loudly. "that bitch is going to take what's yours if you don't secure your spot. if you wanna keep being a pussy bitch, go ahead, but don't fucking cry when you lose your spot to that whore."

i groaned louder, not wanting to hear those words at all, let alone in my head and so loud. i put my head in my hands, and tried to find something to think about that would distract them and get them to quiet down, but nothing seemed to be working.

in the distance, i heard jahseh's voice, but i couldn't make out what he was saying, and i couldn't bring myself to lift my head or make any noise other than my low groans, which only frustrated me more.

a throbbing pain sprung in my head, giving me the urge to scream, just as some sort of release, but i held back, praying for peace and silence, but my prayers, of course, went unanswered.

eventually, i lifted up my head, to see the car still and just as i was going to look around, my car door yanked open and jahseh stood there, looking at me worriedly.

"what's wrong with you?" he asked, pulling my arm gently so i could get out of the car.

instead of speaking, i wrapped my arms around him tightly and just held onto him, feeling all my pain disappear and every voice silence just by being in his embrace, and i let out a long exhale.

i opened my eyes, looking up to see him just watching me, but not with fear or concern, but with a simple, gentle expression on his face, which only comforted me more. he placed a kiss on my forehead, and i smiled gently, lifting my arms up.

"pick me up." i said, and he raised his non existent eyebrows at me.

"are you heavy?" he asked, skeptically, and i just shrugged.

"are you weak?"

he took that as a challenge, picking me up as if i was a child and then swinging me over his shoulder, making me squeal in both surprise and excitement, and he carried me into the house, while i laughed in amusement.

he carried me into the room, and then dropped me on the bed, before shutting the bedroom door and locking it, and then he headed towards his dresser, finding some clothes to change into as he took off his shirt, while i watched.

fuck it.

"don't put that on." i said, referring to the wife beater he had in his hands, and my words made him glance at me in confusion.

"why not?" he asked, and i couldn't hold back the devilish smile on my face.

i didn't respond, and instead pulled off the hoodie i had on, leaving me in only my bra because i hadn't worn a shirt underneath.

"come here."