𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU

i sat on the bed, watching the shapes and colors on the tv aimlessly, my eyes not focused on what was really going on, because my mind was in a million different places.

the tv was my attempt to distract and drown out my mind, yet it wasn't doing much but entertaining my eyes. i could still hear every thought and every voice ringing in my head.

i hated it.

the door opened, but the thoughts in my mind were too loud, and my head felt too fuzzy and my body too numb and paralyzed with my exhaustion, for me to look at who was at the door.

i could see a figure move towards me, and then hover over me, and i opened my eyes fully and looked up at the figure, to see jahseh's face directly above mine, making me scrunch up my face slightly.

he stared at me in silence, before standing upright, continuing to watch me as i sat up, now confused at his behavior and body language.

he looked drained, and everything about him seemed a bit off. in my gut, something felt off, and i swung my legs over the edge of the bed so i faced him, furrowing my eyebrows at him.

"jah, are you okay?" i asked, and he shook his head slowly, putting his arms out weakly, which made me stand up slowly and cautiously, before hugging him gently.

"i don't feel well.." he trailed slowly, and before i could respond, i felt his heavy body go limp in my arms, making me almost fall down with his weight above me.

"jahseh?" i asked, to no response, and i realized he'd passed out, making my heart begin to race with panic.

i sat myself on the floor, with him on my lap and in my arms, and shook him nervously, with no idea what to do or what was wrong with him right now.

just as soon as i was about to call for help, stokeley came into the room, looking confused and holding an empty pill bottle in his hands, his eyes widening at the sight of jahseh, and my heart dropping at the realization of what was in front of me.

"is he.." stokeley started, and i shook my head, quickly tilting jahseh's head back and wasting no time forcing my finger down his throat in attempts to get him to gag and throw up all the contents he'd swallowed.

stokeley stood there, blank and in horror, as i helplessly continued, but to no avail.

i can't lose him. not like this, and not with the terms we're on right now. i could never bare with that pain.

suddenly, there was a loud, choking gag, and jahseh's head sprung forward, as he vomited violently, all over my lap and the floor, and i watched an uncountable amount of pills escape his mouth, mixed with liquid.

i shuddered at the feeling and sight of his vomit on me, but i knew this was a better feeling than his dead body on me, so i forced myself to bare with it, rubbing his back.

"go run a cold bath." i demanded stokeley, and he stood frozen for a moment, watching jahseh continue to vomit and shake slightly. "now!"

he made his way out of the room, and i looked down at jahseh, who had now stopped vomiting and laid against me weakly, his eyes shut, as he groaned lowly.

i let out a sigh, not sure what to feel or think in the midst of all of this, and i struggled to lift him up with me, shuddering as i heard and felt vomit drip off of my clothing and onto the floor.

he groaned a bit louder, likely at the movement, and i helped him stand himself up. "vamos, baby. let's go take a bath."

i held him up, slowly walking with him down the hall and into the bathroom, where stokeley had ran the bath, and i sat jahseh on the toilet seat, helping him strip from his clothing, and then pulling off mine, leaving my bra and underwear on.

i helped him sit in the tub of cool water, and got in behind him, sitting him on my lap and feeling him lean back onto my body as i used my hand to cup and pour the water along his chest and face, as he sat in silence.

i would've liked to say and ask a million things, but i knew now wasn't the time. i had to just be grateful that right in this minute he was okay and that i didn't lose him.

i reached up for the soap, and began to gently soap his body, humming gently to him while he laid against me, letting me tend to him patiently.

"i'm sorry." he said lowly, and i glanced down at him to see him looking up at me, with eyes full of tears.

it scared me, though i would never show or say that, because i'd never seen him cry or display much emotion aside from anger. i wasn't used to this, nor did i expect it.

"it's okay, mi cariño." i said, so soft that it nearly came out a whisper, and i continued to wash his body and hold onto him.

my heart fluttered around, and the voices in my head all kept screaming and chanting words that i refused to play attention to, thought i could hear and understand them perfectly.

"i didn't mean to hurt you-" he started, but i shushed him before he could get any further, caressing his face gently as i looked down at him.

"shh, you're forgiven. don't worry."