𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 - 𝐗𝐗𝐗𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

MOMMY LOVES YOU

my grandma turned 82 today :)
my queen ❤️

silence.

that's all there is, and has been, for the last three weeks between jahseh and i, give or a take a few words in between.

he slept on the couch, everyday, and left me all alone, which killed me inside, though this was solely his choice and his wants, so however it made me feel meant nothing.

i sat on one of the couches outside, in the backyard, feeling the cooler october wind blow against me, though it felt nothing but good against my skin, and i watched xiorra wriggle around in my belly.

"i really hope your dad comes around, soon," i sighed to her, rubbing my tummy and looking up at the setting sun.

"i don't want you to be without him."

she went still at my soft voice, and as soon as i went silent she started to wriggle around again, making me chuckle slightly, before speaking again.

"mommy loves you, though. you're gonna be a little mini me, i know it." i laughed, rubbing my stomach once more and looking down at it.

i heard the back sliding door slide open, but i ignored it, shutting my eyes and beginning to hum quietly, little lullaby's and soft songs.

i felt the couch lower beside me, which let me know someone had sat down beside me, and i opened my eyes and glanced over to see stokeley beside me, looking at the setting sun and not me.

there was silence between us, but it was comfortable, and i let out an exhale before i looked over at him again, steadily, and spoke.

"you okay?"

he raised an eyebrow at me, before nodding his head. "i'm fine, i should be asking you if you're okay."

i cracked a smile, shaking my head. "i'm okay."

i broke my gaze from him and returned it to the sky, which was full of shades of purple, pink and orange, though i felt his gaze on me, as if he was steadily reading me and figuring me out.

"you sure?" he asked, taking a drink from the bottle of hennessy i hadn't even realized was in his hands.

i nodded, sighing before i spoke. "i'm okay as i can be right now," i shrugged, glancing over at the gently shaking trees in the wind.

"i just wish jah and i were okay."

he let out a long breath, and shook his head before taking another, longer drink from the bottle and speaking. "trust me, i do too. i don't know what's up with him."

i bit my inner lip, knowing stokeley was just about clueless as to what exactly was going on, other than the fact that we weren't speaking and it seemed to be more on jahseh's end then mine.

"he said he doesn't want a baby with me anymore." i whispered, looking down at my hands and picking at my nails.

i honestly wouldn't have been surprised, had he told me he didn't hear what i said, or hadn't responded because he hadn't heard, but instead his head swung over in my direction, and he began to cough violently.

"he said what?" he semi-yelled, once his fit of coughs was complete, and i felt my face redden and a lump form in my throat as i shrugged.

"he said he wasn't ready to move on from his ex and have her find out he 'knocked some bitch up'." i air quoted, biting my inner cheek to keep myself collected.

the lump in my throat was threatening me, as if to say that if i said any more, or stayed on the topic any more, my eyes wouldn't hesitate to start crying, and i took a deep inhale, then exhale. 

stokeley was silent for a moment, his eyes heavily set on me as if he couldn't tell if i was joking or not, or maybe rather that he simply couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, though i wasn't sure if he didn't specifically believe me, or believe that jahseh would say that.

he put his head in his hands, frantically rubbing his face and sighing before he spoke. "i'm sorry, ary."

i shrugged my shoulders, trying to brush off the situation and all of my emotions with the shrug, though it did nothing to help me, and i ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt to distract and calm myself.

"it's okay." i mumbled, feeling xiorra wriggle around in my stomach once more.

stokeley's breath hitched for a moment, before he looked over at me, and i looked at him. "did he say that or did x?"

i bit my inner lip quickly, before looking away from him. "jahseh said it. but either way, even if it was x, that wouldn't matter."

he opened his mouth to speak, but shut it, and instead looked back towards the house, as if he was looking for jahseh, though jahseh was gone as always, at the studio, or at least that's where he claimed to be.

there was a tense silence between us, as he tried to take in everything that he was hit with and process it, and he let out another sigh before putting the bottle of hennessy on the ground in front of the couch and putting an arm around me.

"you know i love you, right?" he said, and i let out a sad breath before nodding my head, leaning my head into his shoulder.

"yeah, i love you too." i said softly, looking up at him and then back at the sky, which by now was beginning to go from the pretty, sun setting colors, to a blue.

silence fell between us once more, until he shifted slightly, and looked down at me, which i could feel, both in his gaze on me and the movement of his head, and i glanced up at him gently, looking him in the eye.

and before i could say, or do, anything, he cupped my face with one hand and crashed his lips onto mine.

~