Cherry Pie

Soul Survivor

[Rayne]

When I was  little girl, my grandma used to come over every few years to our house for a visit. She was never close with my dad, having been emotionally withdrawn ever since losing her husband to the war, but Dad never held it against her. I didn't remember much about her other than the fact that she was slightly odd — even by the Adam's standards. 

On one of her last visits, she told me something weird. It stayed with me ever since then although I never really knew why. 

She told me that Death picks certain people to follow. 

"Once it chooses you, it never quite lets you go. It lurks in the shadows of you life...taking away those you love one by one while you helplessly watch from the sidelines. And then eventually, when you've become the shell of a person that you used to be, Death comes knocking one last time — this time for you — and you gratefully follow it into its eternal abyss."

She killed herself a week later. 

I never fully understood what she meant by that until now. Everyone was dying around me, and for the first time in my life, I felt so incredibly hopeless that I wanted to join them.

Only vaguely was I aware of Sam getting stabbed and Dean shouting his name over and over again. I felt no reaction to his death. Maybe because I was still trying to wrap my head around everything that happened in such quick procession. Or perhaps it had something to do with my mom, who was currently lying lifeless in my arms.

Nothing was okay. Probably nothing ever would be again. 

Quieting myself, I watched my tears drop silently onto her cold skin. It felt like the scar left behind by the loss of my father had been ripped into with red-hot knives — making the wound a thousand times bigger than it used to be. It felt like I was bleeding out.

"Oh, my. What a mess."

I turned my tear-stained face to look in Azazel's direction — not even really surprised by his comings and goings anymore. He was standing in between Dean and myself in the middle of the clearing. He kept looking between the two of us and the people we held in our arms — his yellow eyes flicking back and forth like a pendulum. I didn't think there was a color that I hated more.

"I'm sorry that it had to end this way," he said, not sounding sorry at all. "I truly am. Luna wasn't supposed to die. And I was hoping that Rayne and Sam would get rid of Jake for me and then face off one another, but," — he shrugged his shoulders — "what're you gonna do?"

"You're wasting your time, Azazel," I somehow managed to say with a loud and clear voice. "You lost. Go to hell, or wherever it is you came from."

He turned to fully face me and took a few steps my way. "I haven't lost because I still have you, my dear. Do you feel the Darkness that's stirring inside of you? The stirring caused by the anger and loss that you're experiencing? That's my blood making its comeback."

"You're wrong." I looked up at him squarely in the face. "I feel nothing, Azazel. Not for you. You were wrong about me from the beginning. You placed your bet on the wrong horse. I'm not the avenging type. And I will not  lead your army."

The demon was watching me like he wasn't certain if he should believe me. My voice was so insentient that it was hard to know if I was telling the truth. I was, however. I didn't have any burning desire to kill him for what happened to my mom. I didn't even want to hurt him anymore for killing my dad.

I had my answers. I knew why he did it. It was cruel, and nonsensical, but he was a demon. I couldn't have really expected anything else. I didn't want to have anything else to do with him. My story with him was finished. Which is why when I saw Dean get up quietly behind Azazel and pick up the blood-covered blade that was lying next to him, I didn't try to stop him.