Shadows of the World » Band of Brothers

05: Sweet Heavens Endure

"Let the sweet heavens endure,
Not close and darken above me
Before I am quite quite sure
That there is one to love me;
Then let come what come may
To a life that has been so sad,
I shall have had my day."
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson, Maud

-

The following day, bright and early, Juliette left the house, closing the door behind her quietly so as not to wake any of the others, and made her way through the relatively quiet village towards the post office. On her way there she was content in the knowledge that the Americans would be doing PT (Alexis had already managed to gather some idea of what their daily routine was and used it to predict when they were least likely to be out and about). She shouldn't have to interact with any of them for a bit, at least.

Walking in she greeted the man on duty with a smile and bid him good morning, offering him her fake name knowing that this was who the intel would be addressed to.

As he bustled about in search of the letter addressed to Penelope Williams she thought hard on this new persona. Who was Penelope Williams? Juliette hadn't really decided. She had initially wanted her to be cold and aloof in order to ward off any flirty soldiers, but their eyes had been too kind, their words too naïve. She had wanted Penelope Williams to be as hardened and withdrawn as she had often tried to be, but she found it incredibly difficult to treat people with anything other than the politeness she had been raised with. She hoped that in that, at least, her mother would be proud of her, though her mother would never know of it.

She knew she would have disappointed her mother in a million different ways in all the things she'd done. She hoped that perhaps treating people with kindness would make up for it a little bit, and maybe one of these days she'd be shown a little kindness in return. Surely at some point she'd have to get lucky.

"Ah! Here it is. Penelope Williams." The man handed her what was more akin to a package than a letter over the desk and offered her a nod and a small smile. "Got a boy out there fighting for you?" the man wondered, and she smiled softly.

"My brother," she replied, and the elderly man nodded his understanding.

"Well, I hope he's well, miss," he told her kindly and she gave him a bright smile.

"Thank you, sir. Do you have anyone fighting for you?" She shouldn't have asked, really, but his kind face looked somewhat sad. She could tell he was missing someone terribly.

"My son-in-law. And my daughter is a nurse. She couldn't bear to let him go alone." He gave a small, sad sort of laugh as a mixture of pride and sorrow swam in his eyes.

Juliette smiled a more genuine, gentle smile this time, tilting her head as she gazed across the desk at the old man. "They must be very in love."

He nodded and laughed. "If I could've handpicked a man for my daughter to marry it would've been him. Her entire world has hung on him since the day they met, and he takes care to make it the most beautiful and happy world he can. It brings me peace to know that wherever they are, at least they're together."

Juliette couldn't bear to tell him that nurses and soldiers often got separated in their deployment process; the mixture of agony and hope that had spread across his face was almost too much to take.

"Then they are very lucky," the younger girl said instead, speaking so softly she wondered whether he'd heard her at all. But then a warm smile drew up his face again, and all traces of melancholy were gone almost as smoothly as they had appeared.

"You'll find it too, someday. It comes when you're not looking for it, and often in places you'd least expect to find it. But when it comes, it will be worth the wait."

Juliette smiled at the man's wisdom. His clear passion for life and all of the softer things in it made her want to believe him. After bidding him goodbye and exiting the post office she sent a little prayer up for the man's daughter and son-in-law, asking that they'd make it through the war unscathed and return to him as in love as ever. She knew that war was not and had never been kind, especially not to her, but she thought that maybe, if she hoped for it genuinely and selflessly enough, it would be to those who deserved it.

She knew she did not deserve it. She tried to make her peace with that.

She passed a few of the American paratroopers (officers, by the looks of their uniforms) on her way back to the house and nodded greetings to a few locals she had seen the previous day, trying to keep her head down for the most part to avoid any unnecessary interactions.

Meanwhile, the old man's hopeful face and kind words haunted her because they filled her with a hope she knew she had no right to have. The package burned in her hands. She couldn't think on a life beyond the war because it was unlikely such a life would ever exist for her. She knew this and had known it ever since agreeing to train in espionage, but it ached uniquely every time she let herself think of it. She imagined the look on the face of a younger version of herself if she told her she'd never fall in love, never get married, and never grow old with someone she loved unconditionally.

She tried to reassure herself that even though she hadn't become who she thought she'd be, that was okay. In some ways she was more than she ever could have imagined she would be. Of course, she fell short in a million different ways, and her life was not the stuff of the fairytales or novels she used to adore her mother reading to her as a child, but her life was important, for now at least. Her work was important, and she was proud of it. Against all odds, she was proud of herself, even though she despised herself in equal measure.

Returning back to the house she nodded once at Alexis when he saw her emerge from the porch, his eyebrows furrowed in thought before he nodded back to her. She ascended the stairs and shut her bedroom door behind her.

Her mother's voice, or what she could remember of it, rang in her ears as she tried to tear open the package as carefully as she was able, only partly noticing the stamp that had once fascinated her for its power to keep unwanted attention away.

"Life is tough, my darling, but so are you."

She knew this, at least, to be true.