Shadows of the World » Band of Brothers

35: How Were We to Know

"We thought we had such problems. How were we to know we were happy?" - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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Stranded in France behind enemy lines was most certainly not how Juliette wanted to be spending her Christmas, though she could hardly say it was the first time she'd celebrated the holiday this way. She tried to be grateful for the company she was in, but to be quite honest, they were starting to get on her nerves, just as she was sure she was getting on theirs.

The team of five had been stuck in France for four weeks. With no radio after Will had had to turn it into a bomb to get a truck full of SS off of their tail, and no resources beyond what they carried, they were stuck in a sort of never ending nightmare. One, incidentally, that Juliette had thought she'd woken up from when they had been told they'd be spending their off-duty time in Aldbourne. Just as though they had never been pulled off of the line at all, they were back to 24/7 duty, though this time without the added luxury of safe houses or Resistance contacts. They couldn't trust anyone outside of themselves after what had happened with that female spy and her interrogation. And that wasn't to mention Brigitte, the Resistance contact who had betrayed them. Juliette thrust that particular memory violently away.

At least, she thought, in the field it was easier to forget. Spending so much time in the tranquillity of Aldbourne meant she had been left alone with her thoughts far too often for her liking. This way, she had to be permanently on guard, looking twice over each shoulder and keeping a hand on her weapon (which had been generously stolen for her by Alex).

She wondered whether they'd ever return to Aldbourne, and suddenly missed the time when her primary worry had been the rotten headache she was bound to end up with the next morning if she allowed Tom to drag her into another drinking competition. She felt the ache of nostalgia like a punch to the gut. How easy it always was to take things for granted, even when she knew better.

Oh, to be sat in an infinite field with Eugene Roe, talking about nature like it was art.

She wondered what the Americans thought of their absence. She hoped George's date with Mary-the-barmaid had gone okay, and that Gene was trying to allow himself to make a friend or two among the men he was due to serve with. She hoped Malarkey had finally won himself a drinking competition now that her and Tom were absent, and smiled to herself because she knew he wouldn't have. She hoped Bill and Toye were still as thick as thieves, and that Skip and Penkala were still causing trouble.

When had she come to like them enough to miss them as she did? Jules shook her head at herself. Somewhere along the line she had grown too fond. Perhaps this was the universe's way of telling her that that was a problem. How silly of her to let herself believe she was anything other than a weapon for the war machine. Now, more than ever, she understood that it wasn't just a life after the war that was forbidden for her, but a life outside of it at all, and how cruel a thought that was.

They had been alternating between walking on foot and stealing cars to get as far away from Bordeaux as they could. After all, to be a spy in Bordeaux after what they had done was to be standing with both feet planted firmly in the grave. They were bound for La Rochelle, a city somewhat close to Bordeaux which Juliette had visited as a child; her paternal grandparents had lived there once upon a time, though they were long since dead and buried. Really, they just sought civilisation so they could blend in, and as it happened La Rochelle was a city not completely overrun by Nazis, but busy enough that they could steal a radio without arising too much suspicion. It was still on the coast, as well, so they held out hope that after getting a message back to their headquarters they might be able to be picked up.