Guns N' Roses - Imagines/Preferences

Dear Diary - Steven x Duff

Dear diary,

I'm done with everything, I just want to hug Duff whenever I want to. I don't want to hide our relationship anymore.

Today I was so sad cause Axl was yelling at me for the 100th time about drugs that I should take it slow, and I know he is right but I can't do anything about it. I need it, it helps me.

I wanted to hug Duff so bad then, but we were in rehearsal. And nothing worked out, I needed my heroine. I went to the toilet and I just took it.

But then I collapsed, I couldn't get up again. I wanted to scream for help but there was nothing I could do. I was aware of everything that was going on around me, but I couldn't move anymore. I could no longer use any muscle, I was so scared.

I don't know really what happened after that, I had flashbacks to Slash walking into me. He looked worried, his lips moved but I didn't hear what he said. I couldn't use my brain. All I wanted was to hug Duff, and the heroin made the feeling worse and worse.

I can't live like this anymore, I needed him. But then I fainted. I woke up from something cold, I didn't want to open my eyes. But I needed to, the feeling was overpowering. I carefully opened slightly one eye, immediately closing it again cause I saw Axl pouring some ice-cold water over me.

Then I just sat there next to the toilet, feeling like complete shit. I knew I needed to quit but I just couldn't, I needed it. The heroin gave me what I couldn't get from Duff... The feeling that I was loved and respected.

Then I saw that made my whole world squatter apart. It was Duff looking around the corner, staring at me. It was not in a way that made me feel warmed, he just looked at me like: 'He did it again, nothing can stop him anymore. Not even me..'

Still, I couldn't move properly, but I wanted to get out of here. Everyone was just looking at me full of sorrow and like they felt sorry for me. But I didn't feel pain or remorse for them, they were the ones that got me in this mess or as many people call it, addiction...

Still, the blond was staring at me, I locked eyes with him for a second but his eyes were filled with ice like they were frozen. They stared at me differently at me, this time full of sorrow and pain. I knew he didn't want me to do drugs but I just couldn't resist.

I looked away, facing the mirror. I didn't want to see Duff in pain anymore. I closed my eyes wishing I wasn't here right now. And then I felt the feeling I was hoping for. A feeling that pulled me into the ground like I was falling. But was a nice feeling it took me away from the real world.

I felt hands grabbing hardly onto my shoulders, they shook me up all the way. But there was nothing that could stop me, my mind was all filled up with the memory of Duff.

The next thing I knew that I woke up in a motel, all alone. No one around me, my whole body hurts just so bad. I found this little empty paged book here so I decided to write down my thoughts so I can still remember what happened yesterday.

x Steven

-

I walked into Steven's room, nothing has changed. I always sneaked in here in the middle of the night to cuddle with Steven, he was the highlight of everything. My lover in my arms makes me happy more than anything.

But after seeing him like that I don't know if he really loves me. Would he choose me or the drugs? I knew I needed him, but does he needs me?

I heard the sound of water fading in the background, he must be taking a shower. I slowly make my way into the room. Every step makes it harder, memories are all over the place, everywhere where I looked was made by happy memories, but also sad ones.

I know Popcorn struggled that we couldn't be open in public but was it deep or not? He cried so much about it. But I always just hold him tight to me and promised him that one day we could be open. That everything would be alright.

But now I was thinking, would that day ever come? Would he love me enough? Could he even fully love me with his whole heart?

I lay myself down onto the bed, and my arms disappear underneath the loads of pillows Steven loved too much to bury himself in. But then I feel something hard, it feels like a cover of a book.

I get it out under the pillows, I take a look at it. It was a brown book, it looked like a diary. With respect to Steven and his feelings, I decided to put them away. I try to lay it on the nightstand but it falls 'cause of shortage armlength.

Fuck now I need to go get it, I got up from the bed and look at the book. I didn't mean too but I saw my name on one of the pages so I grabbed it. First I close it lay it back on the nightstand. But then questions started poppin' up in my head. Why would he write about me? Where is he writing about?

My thoughts were driving me crazy so I decided to read one page, Just one. I respected Stevens's privacy but something in me told me that I should read it. 

I got so caught up in the deary that I didn't notice that Steven stood right in front if me. Tears rolling down from his cheeks. 

"Duff why are you reading that, that's mine." He said while half crying. 

I looked up and saw him standing there, my heart always broke to see him like that. I didn't want him to be sad. "I'm sorry Stevie, I saw it laying on your nightstand and I wanted to know what it was."

He grabbed the book out of my hands. "So you decided when you found it was a deary to just read it. Like it's nothing?"

"NO...  I'm just worried about you lately."

"That isn't an excuse to invade my privacy." He said. "I know baby, I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around his waist and gave a kiss on his head. he wiped his tears down and let his head rest on my chest. "Duffie I can feel your heartbeat like this." I chuckled and gave him a couple of kisses on the head

I grabbed his chin and made him look up into my eyes. "I love you, Steven, you know that right? And I will never stop loving you, I just want u to be happy." My eyes started to tear up when I said that. 

"I know. Duff, it's just so hard, I don't want to keep this a secret anymore." He looked down and hugged me very tightly. "Then we tell everyone, love." 

"We will?" Tears started to fall down again. His eyes were red from all the crying. I lifted him up, holding him tight in my arms while I lay us down in his bed. "Yes sweetheart, I'm gonna let everyone know that you are mine, forever." I smiled at him. He gave me a sad smile back, I looked into his eyes. It made him happy, but there was something else. Something that I didn't read in his diary. 

"What is it steven." He pushed me off of him and he went to sit up straight. "I'm scared."

"For what steven? You know that I will protect you right, from everything." I cupped his face and looked him deep into his eyes. "I know and I love you too Duff."

I kissed his lips, they were soft. I laid down with him, we cuddled up. Back into his arms.

-

Sorry that this is so short I didn't know what to end it with :(((((