I don't know what I'm doing

why do I feel this way?

Okay so I don't really know what I'm doing with this chapter so to say but I just had to get some things off my chest. I'm thinking about a lot of stuff lately.

So first off I'm very extroverted but I only really have two friends. I mean I love being a big groups of people but I really only have two people I'm close with then I would call my best friends. Well once a girl that I've known for about 3 or 4 years, and the other is a guy that I've known for about eight years I think. Well the girl has already gone through three or four different boys in the past year-and-a-half and I have no problem with it, like I wasn't jealous I wasn't worried I was going with my friend nothing I really just kind of chill about it didn't think anything about it. But now my best guy friend just got his very first girlfriend the other day, mind you somehow during quarantine, I don't even know.
but for the first time I'm really starting to feel a lot of fear and jealousy. We've been best friends since I think the second or third grade. And I'm really terrified that I'm going to lose him to his girlfriend if that even makes sense. I don't know what to do I don't want to talk to him or tell him about it cuz it'll just make things weird. But I don't know.

Second off okay this one a little less serious, but you've all heard about the Disney plus Percy Jackson TV show it's going to be in the works in the next few years. Well 50% of me is really excited and like is dying to see it and just want to scream every time I think about it. But the other half of me wants to  absolutely hate it because I'm not in it. Like if I can't be Percy then no one can experience this. Sorry that's my jealousy monster coming out.

and the last thing is kind of cliche teenage girl problems I guess. I've never been huge boy crazy and I always thought I didn't really care if I had a boyfriend or if I had somebody to take me to prom. But starting to see some my older young adult friends getting married and my friends my age going on dates and this and that is really starting to make me feel a little bit of fomo.but at same time and here's were the cliche teenage girl problems comes in I feel like I'm starting to get a lot of anxiety, and lately been worrying a lot about my appearance. I've been noticing I'm pointing out my weight a lot more and other physical shortcomings I may have. And it's really starting to worry me. Cuz I've always made this habit of try not to let myself get to that point. I never wanted to be self-conscious will let that have control over me but I feel like it's starting to.

okay wow that was depressing and that wasn't even half of what I wanted to talk about. Well see future self later. Yours and Demigodiishness and all peace 🍋