Guns For Roses (Frerard)

Chapter 7

g'mornin Ryan this one's for you ily

me: *turning up my volume*
dial: "speakers 100"
my sleeplessly delusional ass: hahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Enjoy this one babes ;)

It was morning, and Frank was taking a run around the city, because he's an athletic little shit, and I was alone in the hotel, thinking about my mom. 

My whole life was just me and my mom, and as much as she just fucking boils my last nerve, I still love her more than anyone else in the world. She knew everything about me, every disgusting detail, and she still loved me. 

Frank was right; it's not worth it to be mad at her. I had to call her again.

I sighed and got out of my bed, and I went downstairs for the pay phone.

"Hello?" She answered a couple rings in. I paused and took a slow breath. "Hello?"

"Mom?" I said finally. She was quiet for a long time, so I spoke again. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, Ger-"

"No. You did what you thought was right. I shouldn't have yelled." I leaned on the wall, looking down at my shoes. "I was yelling at me, not you."

"I know you were." My mother said gently. "Gerard, when was the last time you saw her?"

"You know." I said, gripping the phone tightly. "I can't talk about it, Mama."

"Oh, baby." She whispered. "Please, come to California, you can stay with me. Your brother's coming too. We can all be together now."

"I still have ties." I said, looking down at my bandaged hand. "I'm not leaving yet."

"But when you do..." she started slowly. "You know I'm open to take you in?"

"I know, mama." I whispered. 

I was aching for her. I mean, I hadn't actually lived with her for a few years, but she had been living so far away that past six months, it made me realize how much I needed her. Even though she often pissed me the fuck off, I still needed her. She was all I had.

"I miss you." I said quietly.

"Oh." She whispered. "I miss you too, baby."

I looked up to the scrapes on the plexiglass where I'd slammed the phone into it before and shook my head at my own stupidity. 

I swallowed roughly and cleared my throat. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Go ahead."

"How did you cope with losing Mikey?" I asked. My voice sounding tight. 

"I had you." She said softly. "I had you and loved you. That helped me."

My eyes burned, threatening tears, so I closed them tightly. "What do I do?"

She was quiet for a long time. I wished she were there with me. I needed her to hold me and tell me I was okay. I needed her to run her fingers through my hair until I fell asleep. Grown adult or not, I needed my mama. But she was forever too far away to help me.

"You have to find love, Gerard." She said. "It's a hole nothing else can fill."

And of course it's that. "I can't-"

"You can." She urged. "I know you can. You were hurt. So badly, you were hurt. But that doesn't mean you can't be brave and take that leap again."

I just shook my head. "No."