STARDUST, aurora rising | f. de seel

□ Chapter Twenty

I feel numb.

There's a feeling in my chest I've never felt before. I feel as if I am suffocating. It's crushing, but it also swallows me whole. A mixture of guilt, anger, sadness and something else that I can't place.

Finian, Zila and I have embedded the synthetic core into the Longbow. Now, we simply sit adrift in Octavia III's orbit. It would be easy to leave. All one of us would have to do is enter the co-ordinates of our next location into the navcom.

But it's not easy. It's not.

None of us have spoken. None of us have moved. All of us seem frozen, as if our experience on Octavia has turned us to statues. Deep down I know I should be helping. I should have a medkit out.

But I feel as if this experience can't be fixed with stitches and antibacterial sprays.

Tyler's lost his best friend. If I'm honest, I think he's lost more than all of us. But I still look to him, in the hopes he can still lead us. Beside him, Scarlett is crying, sobs rack her body, and I don't know how to help her.

Tyler sits, unresponsive. He isn't sad. He isn't angry. All he does is stare, broken gaze focused on the star map on the main console.

"This defeat is victory."

Auri's quiet voice carries through the ship. We all turn to her. She stands before us, tears still glazing her eyes.

There's a shift in her. She's older somehow. That skittish girl pulled from time has vanished. Now, there is Aurora.

"What?" Tyler manages after a moment.

"That's what Cat said to me," Her voice is ridden with grief. Her gaze meets Tyler's unsteadily. "One of the last things she said, Tyler; "This defeat is a victory.""

Scarlett wipes her eyes, sniffling as she shakes her head. "How?" Mascara smears under her eyes as she rubs them. "How?"

"We know our enemy now," Aurora replies. "We know where the Ra'haam is sleeping. We know it wants to consume every living thing in this galaxy, until we're all part if its whole. We know the Eshvaren fought a war against it, a million years ago, and they beat it. We know they suspected it might return, and they left a weapon to fight it. We know I'm the Trigger for that weapon. And..." Some of the information Aurora divulges is new, but I am still too numb to be shocked. "And we know how to stop it."

Finian shakes his head. "How?" He demands. "Every GIA agent we've come across is infected by the thing. Who knows how far it's spread? Sorry to rain on your parade, friends, but your whole Terran government is suspect."

My hands ball into fists at his words. I wonder if the Ra'haam had leached it's way into the Terran Defense Force. How would we even tell?

There's too many questions, and no answers.

Aurora's eyes harden, tilting her head forward imperceptibly. "The signs of infection on a person's body is obvious. Colonists infected here on Octavia must have infiltrated the GIA, got the planet interdicted to help keep it hidden. But if they could spread the infection person to person, there wouldn't be any humans left after two centuries." Her gaze travels to the star map, the red dots pulsating. "I don't think the Ra'haam is strong enough to spread while it's sleeping. I think it can only infect people who stumble onto one of these nursery planets. But it's still mostly dormant. It's weak. We still have a chance."

"To do what, Aurora?" I ask weakly. Her ambition is admirable, but we're talking about an ancient power here. "It was destroyed by the Eshvaren, and even that wasn't enough. How do you fight something like this?"

"With the Weapon the Eshvaren left us. With me." She chews her lower lip for a moment. "If we can stop the spawning it talked about, if we can keep these twenty-two planets from spreading the infection through their FoldGates, maybe we can stop this thing once and for all."

I sigh heavily, slouching into my seat at my console.

"We're wanted criminals," Scarlett points out, waving her hands. "We attacked Terran military ships and broke Galactic Interdiction. We're going to be chased by every government in the galaxy. We can't rely on anyone for help!"

Kaliis shrugs nonchalantly. He folds his arms over his chest. "Then we do it alone."

"This six of us?" Finian scoffs, eyebrows raising. "Against the whole galaxy?"

Tyler shifts in his seat. One hand reached under his shirt, pulling a ring attached to a chain forth to clutch at. His other hand props his head up, finger tracing his scarred brow.

"It'd take a miracle," Tyler murmured after a moment.

Before we broke Galactic Interdiction. Before we attacked military personnel. Before everything unravelled in a confusing and uncertain tapestry, Admiral Adams told us to believe.

I still believe, but I'm just not sure I can hold onto that faith for much longer.

"Almost every particle in the universe was once part of a star," Zila speaks up softly. "Every atom in your body. The metal in your chair, the oxygen in your lungs, the carbon in your bones. All those atoms were forged in a cosmic furnace over a million kilometers wide, billions of light-years from here. The confluence of events that led to this moment is so remote as to be impossible." Her hand rests unsurely on Tyler's shoulder. "Our very existence is a miracle."

"What are you saying?" Tyler asks, looking to her.

Zila meets his gaze evenly. "I am reminding you of wisdom you have already shared with us."

"And that is?"

"That sometimes you must have faith."

Silence eases back in. My gaze skirts to Catherine's empty seat. Shamrock, frayed and worn with love, sags on her console. Faith. Faith was sometimes a hard thing to have when someone was gone.

"I think..." I say slowly. "That star we came from... I think, maybe, it would be proud of who we are now."

Tyler straightens in his chair before standing up. He nods once, a sudden assuredness in his gestures.

"We don't have to do this alone, Kal," Tyler says. His gaze moves to each of us. To Catherine's empty console. To the star map and to Aurora. "We do it together."

Aurora smiles a weak and watery smile back at him. "Squad 312, forever."

"We the Legion," Kaliis begins.

"We the light," Scarlett responds.

"Burning bright against the night," We say. The drilled in militarism seems familiar in a way.

Tyler sits down in Catherine's seat. I turn in my seat, each of us strapping in and turning on our consoles.

The energy flares to life in our consoles once again. The bridge lights up. Life has returned to it, just one less than before.

"Where are we headed, Goldenboy?" Finian asks.

Tyler glances over his shoulder to the star map in the centre console. Those mysterious planets, all twenty-two, pulsate back at him.

"Seems to me we're in a war here," Tyler states, nodding to Aurora. "And seems we've already got our Trigger."

The rumble of the engines stirring to life shakes the cabin.

"Let's go find our Weapon."

◇
AUTHOR'S NOTE
This is the first time I've ever written a full length fic I-