The World's Ending Now

I Don't Think It Matters

Sitting in an empty baseball field,
Black hoodie over my black band tee.
Never touched a baseball in my life
Except for when one was thrown at me--
Struck my mouth and knocked out my first tooth.

Y'all should know I've never been normal--
Now look at my rainbow painted toes.
Party with friends I had to escape.
This cute girl gave me a yellow rose.
Alone with just thoughts and the landscape.

And I don't want to go--
My heart rate disagrees.
Looking for fun wherever we can--
Fake drugs, punk songs,
A harsh scent on the breeze.

One day I'm up, another I'm down.
In a second I'm lost, too long till I'm found.
Don't even try, but that has a cost.

Sometimes I stop to think
How I think with a three-pound piece of meat.
I'd like to be followed by a drone
And watch my life through a VR lens.
I just think it'd be neat,
But it's kind of how I live already,
And I'm a bit too cheap.

Stargazing behind the bleachers,
Not a care about the game score.
Your eyes on those stupid boys--
I've never felt this before,
But I fear I'm just one of your toys.

I can't get my eyeliner right--
They say I should not try at all.
Maybe I'll listen, or ignore protocol.

I don't think it matters.
I don't think I matter.
I don't think we matter.
I hope we don't matter.

I've been here before,
And I know I'll be back.
My self-image reflected
On a dark cement floor--
Nothing to fill my luggage rack.
I'm on a train headed home.
But where is really home?
Hurdling back towards damn reality,
But I'm in the wrong mentality.

And in the end,
I'm just stuck in this dark room.
Maybe I'm up with some tears,
Or maybe just my earbuds.
Are my aspirations my fears?

A/N: I think this is my favorite song that I've written, lyric-wise, but I don't think it comes off as well in poem form. Not only is the structure different, but there's also no music in between the stanzas, which sometimes makes a big difference.

Summer-Fall 2018