I Shall Believe

The opposite of ok

I sighed as I watched Amanda close the door behind me.

"No it's not going to be ok, Amanda." I whispered to myself feeling extremely guilty about the fact that I was partially to blame for what happened to Danielle, "It's never going to be ok. Abby knows that and that's why she's avoiding her. No I already know that there's no way that I can possibly show my face to either Abby or Amanda ever again. After tomorrow things ARE going to be different."

If someone had told me that I would be feeling the way I was currently feeling right now about a friend dying I never would have believed them as I was feeling way too hurt and guilty that I wasn't sure if I could even face either Amanda or Abby tomorrow at Danielle's funeral.

'To think that I didn't care before now I'm really regretting it.' I thought to myself as I made my way back towards my room.

The rest of the day went by so fast to me that I was already starting to feel even more nervous about going to Danielle's funeral tomorrow.

'It's too late to cancel now. I already told Amanda that I would go.' I thought to myself as I was playing Animal Crossing, 'I should probably call Abby just to make sure she is going tomorrow."

I paused the game and went downstairs to use the house phone. I quickly dialed Abby's house and waited for someone to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Abby's mother answered.

"Uh hey Mrs. Berglind it's Maddie. Is Abby home?" I asked.

"No she's not she's been gone since this morning." She replied.

I wasn't surprised to hear that as I figured that Abby was doing everything she can to avoid talking to either me or Amanda.

"Oh well when she gets home can you at least tell her that she HAS to show up to Danielle's funeral tomorrow?"

"Yeah I'll tell her. I'm so sorry about what my husband did, Maddie. Danielle was your friend too." She said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I took a deep breath in and then let it out trying to keep myself calm enough to finish talking to Abby's mom.

"...Thanks." I replied, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"We'll be there. Did you want me to have Abby call you when she gets home?" Mrs. Berglind asked.

"No it's fine just as long as she knows that she needs to go to the funeral." I said.

"Alright then bye, Maddie." She said before hanging up.

I hung up the phone and went back upstairs to continue playing my game.

*May 10th, 2010*

The next morning I was very reluctant to get out of bed as it meant that I had to get ready to go to Danielle's funeral. I didn't get up until my mom came in and told me that I needed to get ready because the funeral was going to be held within a couple of hours time. It didn't take long for me to get ready and as soon as I was my mom called out to me from the living room saying that Amanda was on the phone wanting to talk to me. I sighed as I was hoping that I could avoid Amanda and Abby but it doesn't look like that was going to be the case.

"Yeah?" I asked once I put the phone to my ear.

"Wow girl I was seriously expecting a 'what do you want' not a 'yeah'. You getting ready or what? Don't tell me I have to go over there and make you get ready." Amanda said.

"Relax, Amanda I'm already ready. Did you talk to Abby yet?" I asked hoping that I didn't have to talk to Amanda for very long.

"No but I did tell her mom to tell her that she needs to show up for the funeral today so hopefully she shows up." Amanda told me.