The Phantom's opera

Before the Ball

"I really don't know how to feel about it all." I confessed to Madame Giry.
"You sound like me when I started to fall for Charles," she chuckled "I hated him at first, but after a little wooing done on his part, that feeling changed."
"But at least you knew that your feelings changed. I don't know how I feel. I like him, that I know but I'm not sure how I'm meant to feel if I'm in love." I complained.
"None of us do at first," I she assured "but it's when you let go to the uncertainty that you feel love. It's hard for you because you and Erik are both unsure and holding back. For goodness' sake, you two kissed and your still just friends!"
"That doesn't count, I told you he got mixed up with mistletoe." I defended.
"Then why did it rattle you so much?" she asked in a subtly accusing manner.
"Because I thought if Erik and I were to kiss, it would be me who starts it, not him." I confessed.
"So you have been thinking about yourself and Erik as a couple." She exposed.
"Yes, I have. We've literally had a whole conversation on me being unsure about if I love Erik." I pointed out.
"There's nothing wrong with just telling Erik how you feel and maybe you two could figure something out, like a trial courting. If it doesn't work out, there are other men vying for your attention, for example , the Count De Changy."
"Phillippe?" I pretty much scoffed "a couple of polite conversations does not mean that he is interested in me."She rolled her eyes
"Let me tell you that he is very interested in you, my dear. Every time I escort him to his family box, he asks me if you are in the audience ." She replied
"Really?" I asked in disbelief, to which Madame Giry replied with a curt nod.

Despite the advice given to me by Madame Giry, I was still very lost when it came to Erik and my feelings for him. I decided that I would continue on around Erik like I would usually, and if anything was to happen between us, then I would just let it happen. The only problem now was that I had to also somehow deal with Phillippe as well. I had honestly thought that Phillippe was just trying to be friendly, I honestly felt stupid for not seeing that he saw me as something more than a friend. While I find Phillippe a pleasant man, I couldn't see myself being able to live with him for the rest of my life. I felt like he was just to proper for me. I thought Erik was very proper too when we first met but after the more time he spent with me, he became less serious and more fun. However Phillipppe hadn't dropped his seriousness after all this time of me knowing him, it was Phillippe's personality to be proper and serious all the time. I guess that's what I like about Erik, he's serious when he needs to be, but fun when he doesn't need to be. It was a quality Phillippe lacked. I suppose that is why I turned down his offer to be my escort to the masquerade ball when he asked me a couple days after my talk to Madame Giry. I wanted to enjoy my night, and I knew I wouldn't be able to if I was tied to Phillippe the whole night, who would drag me into boring conversations that I didn't want to be apart of. On the other side, I didn't even know if Erik was even going to be coming. I wasn't worried about if Erik would come or not, because I knew that he would come if he was comfortable with it but if wasn't comfortable with coming then he wouldn't come. I understood that Erik was like that, and I respected it. I wasn't about to force Erik to attend a ball just so that I could have an escort. The idea of not having an escort was actually very appealing since it would mean that I wasn't bound to anybody for the night and could go out and dance or talk to anybody I like without having to worry about my partner. Christine and her friends were very upset that I didn't have a partner to take to the ball to me yet. I tried to explain why I didn't really want to go to the ball with somebody. However my explanation wasn't convincing enough as they still thought that I needed an escort as it was romantic. Sorelli told the others that I was just trying to convince myself that it was ok to go without an escort in order to come to terms with the fact that nobody wanted to go with me, comparing my reasoning with that of a spinster. I was a bit taken back when I got wreck by a literal 10 year old, I knew that in my heart that she was right and really was just trying to convince myself that it was better. Despite knowing that she was kind of right, my pride forced me to fight back, which lead to me informing her that I had been asked by the Count De Changy. The girls were shocked by that news and almost all of them immediately spoke at once, asking me questions about the Count and me. It was almost as though Madame Giry could sense my trouble, she burst in the room, with her trademark stern expression clear on her face. She told them off for not practicing and had them quickly leave my practice so that I could return to my work, saving me from their intense interrogation.

When I went home from work that day, I had noticed that Erik was very quiet. He didn't greet me when I got in, which was strange since he always greeted me when I got home and asked me about my day. I just assumed that he was in his composer state and didn't think anything of his odd behaviour. I finally worked up enough courage later that night to ask Erik if he was coming to the masquerade ball. I didn't know why but every other night I went to ask him I've chickened out. I convinced myself that if Erik said no or something, it wouldn't be super embarrassing as he would probably forgot I even talked to him an hour later as that's what usually happened when he was in his composer mode. I waited out in the kitchen and waited for Erik to come in to ask him since I knew that Erik would be irritated if I interrupted him composing. I waited about an hour before Erik entered the kitchen, and when he did, I decided to act quickly, knowing he wouldn't stay long.
"Erik are you coming to the masquerade next week?" I asked, trying my best to sound like I didn't care to much.
"Why do you care?" He asked bitterly "aren't you going with your precious Count?"
"What?" I replied confused.
"You heard me. Why should you care if I come or not if you have the Count De Changy to escort you." He snapped.
"Where did you hear that?" I laughed. I could tell that Erik was upset, but I honestly couldn't help myself from laughing at how wrong Erik was.
"This is my opera house, Alina. I hear everything that goes on in here." He grumbled.
"Well, you must have heard wrong because I'm not going to the masquerade with Phillippe." I told him.
"You're not?" He asked, confused.
"Phillippe asked, but I declined." I explained. After that there was an awkward silence between us.
"So are you coming to the masquerade or not?" I asked again.
Erik mumbled a yes before quickly grabbing a glass of water and headed back to the music room.