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[DRAFTS] voicemail #39

VOICEMAIL FOR
"him"

"Okay, so you know those crossover episodes on Disney channel? Kind of felt like that today when I answered the door. I was reading in my room when I heard the most insistent set of knocks I've ever heard in my life, to the point where even Nesquik was starting to scurry around more than usual in his cage. I got to the door and looked through the peephole, and there I see the last person I'd expect to come visit little old me. Lucy was standing there looking as nervous as ever. I gotta be honest, when I saw her, my first instinct was to tell her to go the fuck home. But then I thought more maturely and decided to hear what she had to say. I was curious, after all. So I opened the door, and let me tell you, she looked close to petrified when I met her eyes. She suddenly looked really small standing there, and I hate to say that I felt powerful. I felt powerful because after all those months of pain, of feeling so fucking inferior to her, here she was, looking like I could knock her over with the wave of my hand. I don't want to feel like that, though. If I felt like that, that would mean that I'm still affected by her and you. That I still have some sort of connection. And I'll be damned if I let that happen after all the time I've spent getting over it. So I asked what she came for, and she asked if we could talk, she doesn't want to take up too much of my time. I invited her inside and we sat on my couch. First thing she said was "I'm sorry." I asked what for, even though we both knew exactly what she meant. She started to cry, and out of instinct, I put my hand on her shoulder and she started crying even more. She could barely look at me, but she eventually spilled her heart out. She was ashamed of how she "couldn't stay away from you," and that she "betrayed my trust." She and I were never that close, she was more apart of your group of friends than our shared one, but she said she was very much aware of our relationship and she didn't care. She thought you were cute, and she didn't care, so she pushed anyway. You never cheated on me, she said, but you definitely didn't treat me as you should have. She wishes things didn't happen as they did. Not because you left me, but because she felt guilty. She went on and on about how bad she feels, how stressful it was knowing that I was "totally alone," and yet she never directly asked about me. She never asked how I was doing now. I guess she just needed me to know that she did give a shit. This was more for her conscience than my well-being. And you know what she said once she finished her rant? She asked if we could be friends. If I could just ignore the fact that, despite knowing you were in a relationship, she let her selfish desires wreck something really good. I told her, without any hesitation, no. And I asked if she could leave, too. Thank God she had the common sense to go without making me say it again. As I opened the door for her, I told her that I don't think I can forgive her. Not for a long time. But I said that I appreciated her coming to speak to me and that she acknowledged the fact that she did something really fucked up. She understood when I said that I don't want to keep in contact with her. Before she walked out, she said that you still talk about me sometimes. I couldn't find the courage to ask anything further, and I found it difficult to focus on my book. What do you say about me? And how does she have the balls to talk to me face to face but not you? Why can't we just be like we used to?"

MESSAGE SAVED TO DRAFTS
09/19/24
5:49 PM
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