Our Hill of Stars

18 ICU

A S H L Y N

I sat with Muriel in the ICU waiting room. The magazines were six months old and the atmosphere was tense. I wanted to be in with Grandma Lucy, but no one had let me in yet. In the three hours since arrival, I'd been told her condition was critical and that eventually, she would be stabilized. The doctor threw a lot of terms at me I didn't understand. Thank God for Muriel who seemed to take comfort in the doctor's words. I reminded myself she went through this with her husband, she knew good from bad news.

We didn't speak much. She held my hand and I stared into space. As we sat, I got a ping on my phone for a text.

We're at the door, but no one's home.

Oh crap. Eli and Hazel were at the house. I hadn't texted him. I barely remembered to text Sadie where I was.

There was an emergency with my grandma. We're at Heart Hospital.

I could see he was typing. What a train wreck. I covered my face. The day after I decided to relieve some emotional baggage about Grandma Lucy's illness and this happens. This is more drama than a new boyfriend needed.

"Want some coffee?" Muriel asked. She stood and cracked her back, scanning the waiting room.

"Yeah, that would be great."

She nodded and headed off. I think she wanted to give me some privacy as I texted Eli.

I'm on my way.

That was it. I didn't argue. I didn't try to dissuade him. I wanted Eli here. Muriel was good company and I liked her being with me, but I wanted, needed, Eli's strong presence with me. I never would have asked him outright, so I was glad he was coming on his own.

Muriel returned with our coffees. It was already lukewarm when I took my first sip. Lukewarm and tasted a bit charred. I frowned into the paper cup.

"I drank this same slop when my husband passed," she said. "It's weird, but it makes me feel connected to him." She took a long pull from her cup and offered a sad smile.

"How did you manage?" I asked after a while. "When your husband died?"

Growing up, there was no world in which Grandma Lucy wasn't always there. She raised me while my parents worked. She took care of me when I was sick and now here I was, in her position, but the outcome would be different. I knew she was unwell and one day I would have to face the world without her, but I wasn't sure I knew how.

Muriel took my hand in hers. "We made use of the time we had. We always wanted to visit Paris, so I got a VR set and we took our trip in the comfort of our own home. We watched the sunset every night. He played his piano for me. Then when he went into the hospital that last time, I held his hand and made sure he was comfortable." She smiled, though her eyes glistened with tears. "It wasn't easy and thank God Lucy was right next door."

I lowered my eyes and watched the coffee in my paper cup. I could just see myself in the dark liquid. "What if tonight is good-bye, Muriel?"

She shrugged. "Then let her know you love her, Ashlyn, and know I'll be right here for you."

I set my cup on the ground and hugged Muriel, never wanting to let her go. She rubbed my back and for the first time in hours I felt at peace with things.

"Oh my, your young man is here."

I broke away and saw Eli had come up behind me. I wiped away the tears in my eyes and forced a smile.

"I'll leave you two alone." Muriel ruffled my hair and left us.

Eli took her vacated seat and grabbed my hands. "I got here as fast as I could. I had to get Justin to babysit Hazel and traffic wasn't great. I'm sorry for being so late."