Of Soot And Cinders

XXII

SOOT

If my life went to my plan I would have torn the moon from the sky and Grimm and I would be able to dance in each other's arms until we died.
My life had never been mine to control though and in the blink of an eye it was half an hour to midnight. I should tell him now, everything, so that when it does strike midnight he can focus on finding his mate. Or maybe, maybe I shouldn't tell him at all. It would break my heart and if anything he had said or done proving to me his love in the weeks leading up to this very moment was true than his heart would also shatter. He might have tried to argue with me a thousand times that nothing could change the way he felt about me but there was no way that someone could love me while knowing my truth. It would never be fair to him to expect him to ignore how broken I am.

He didn't make a single move while we were dancing to suggest that he wanted to pull me away and beg for answers. He held me and let me pretend that we would be engaged and married within the month, and guided me as I slowly continued to adjust to the feeling of feet underneath me.
It was a miracle, really. I hadn't allowed myself to think on it much. What having reliable legs would feel like. If I were honest I couldn't remember what it was like before Nightingale and Florence had crushed my left leg and could only vaguely remember having the right tendon be whole and I severed.

I had wanted all night to explain to Grimm how happy I was to properly dance for the first time in my life. It seemed as good a place as any to start our conversation anyway. So when I pulled him aside, ignoring the gazes of everyone in the room I tried to focus on that instead of the nearing end.

The outside was cool and the smell of rain was heavy in the air. I lead Grimm to the gardens where other couples were already gathered under the full moon, waiting for midnight to hit. I pulled Grimm towards the center where I knew others wouldn't venture. We stopped in a little grove of orange trees, a small circle of them with a little stone bench in their center. As soon as we sat the smell of rain was washed out by the smell of the fallen oranges, slowly rotting into food for the trees from which they came.

I bit my lip, avoiding looking into Grimm's eyes. This was it. My last moments with him and I had to ruin them with the truth.

Images of our time together flashed through my mind. I was so broken before I met him. I didn't even see how sad I was. Now I wasn't scared to look him in the eye, I was sitting in the royal gardens with him, dressed in stars, dreading letting go of the only good thing I'd been given. I caught a sob before it could leave my chest. I didn't deserve to cry, I had deceived him and stolen his love.

"I'm sorry." I managed to whisper.

His fingers on my chin pulled my gaze to his. I was startled to see tears in his eyes. "Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye?"

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't look away from him. "We knew this was how it would end."

"No," I watched him shake his head in frustration. "no, I don't believe that this is the end for us. I have never had any doubt that you are my mate, that you are the one I'm supposed to have live by my side. I will not give you up so easily."

I bit back my own tears as I reached up to wipe away one that had fallen down his cheek. His head sagged into my hand. We were pressed close together on the bench. Our hips were touching and he had pulled my legs over his. His hands held me at the small of my back and I couldn't help but to lean my forehead against his and bring my other hand up to cup his face completely.