Promise

25

Tuesday

I was waiting in Luke's office for the day to be over. The guys brought me to the hospital since i wasn't going to school this week. It was only morning but i was already bored and annoyed with the whole situation. The guys constantly tried to make my smile, eat or just make me talk. But i refused to do all those things. I wasn't used to people caring about me and to not being hurt. It was like everytime i wanted to laugh i heard his voice in the back of my head. And i hated myself for bringing the happiness of the guys down so i just distanced myself from them. I had also stopped sleeping just to make sure i wouldn't wake them up with my nightmares. My boss had fired me from my job after i had asked for 1 week off. I didn't really care though, i wasn't planning on telling the guys that i worked at a gasstation in the middle of the night. I also didn't really need the money anymore.

I was laying on the couch in the office looking at ceiling. Michael entered the room with his hands behind his back and a big smile on his face.

"I brought brownies" he said happily while he sat down at my feet on the couch.

I was too tired to fake a happy repsonse."Thank you, but I'm not really hungry right now." I replied with a tired voice.

He put the brownies down and grabbed my arm. "Follow me"

I followed him confused through the hall's of the hospital to the roof of the building. "Why did you bring me up here?" I asked him once we sat down on a block of cement.

"To talk without people interrupting us."

I didn't feel like talking right now, i was tired and grumpy. I sighed "What do you want to talk about?"

He let out a small laugh "You don't have to talk to me if don't want to. I just feel like you're avoiding us. So i brought you up here to just have a conversation with you, to get to know each other better. "

I didn't feel like talking small talk "Can i be honest with you?"

"Of course you can."

"I am trying to distance myself from all of you because i feel like a burden. I feel like i am letting you down everytime i don't smile at a joke or refuse to eat. " I said looking to the ground.

"You're not a burden to us, never. I need you to understand that. We just want to help you. It's okay if you aren't comfortable with doing certain things right now." He places his hand on mine and tried to make eye contact. But i kept my eyes glued to the ground ground and stayed quiet. "It's going to be difficult. But we will always support you even if you want to be alone. We will support that."

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "I still hear him. He's always there." My voice had stared to shake. "I don't know what to do."

Michael

She was sobbing into my chest. She was starting to break. I was happy that i had brought her here, nobody would interrupt us here. I stroke her hair and waited for her to talk again. She had bottled up a lot over the past few years and she was now finally letting all the feelings out.

She pushed her head of my chest and looked me in the eyes. "I wish my uncle had shot himself and not Jake. I wish i had shot myself. " She looked a little bit shocked after saying that, as if she had spilled her deepest secret. She quickly sat up with wide open eyes "Please don't tell luke i said that, i didn't mean them."

"I won't tell Luke anything unless you give me permission. "

She relaxed again and layed down on my lap. "Thank you"

"Can you tell me more about your brother and the gun?"

She hesitated "There's not much to say. He shot himself in the head and wasn't fast enough to stop him. I could've saved him if i had just payed more attention to him. But i didn't and now i pay the price. "

The poor kid blamed herself for something that was out of her control. She must have been traumatized by that, having to see her brother shot himself in the head infront of her. She was being haunted by her guilt.

"It wasn't your fault." She slowly looked up so i said it again. "It wasn't your fault".

She dropped her head again. "You weren't there, you wouldn't know."

I sighted, arguing with her right now had no use. "Do you get nightmares about it?"

She nodded "Every night. But there not always as bad."

"I think it is best that you talk to us about them. And maybe we can get you some sleeping pills but Ashton will decide that after you've therapy with him."

"Or i just don't sleep."

"What do you mean?" I asked her confused.

"I haven't slept since Sunday, so i also haven't had any nightmares since then."

"Jesus, Lucy that's not healthy. Your body needs sleep."

She got up "I'm sorry"

I also got up and put up my hand towards her. "Promise that you will try to talk to us, even if it is in the middle of the night."
She nodded and shook my hand, but i didn't let go just yet. "And also try to get some sleep before your appointment later." She let a small laugh "Yes, doctor i promise"

I let her hand go "That's what i like to hear."

"I think i could use some brownies right now." She said smiling.

"Totally argee with that. Let's get of this cold roof and get some."

Lucy

I felt like weight was lifted of my shoulder after the conversation with Michael. I needed to talk to somebody about those thoughts. After we had at the brownies he had to leave again to see some patients. I would probably be alone for another hour before Luke would come pick me up for my check up. I wasn't really nervous about that, i trusted the guys and i had no bruises to hide anymore. I turned my back to the door and closed my eyes. Before i knew it i was sound asleep.

"Wake up princess" Luke was trying to wake me up but i refused. "5 more minutes" I said while trying to wave him away. He started to tickle me. I lauged and tried to push his hands away. "Hahaaa, stop I'm awake."
He stopped and helped me up from the couch. "You ready for your check up?"

" Tired but ready."

I didn't got scared once during the check up which surprised me. I did feel uncomfortable a couple of times but that was normal, i wasn't used to people standing close to me. "Besides your weight, you're physically perfectly healthy." Luke said from behind his computer.

"Can i back to sleep now?"

Luke looked up from his computer with a concerned face. "Do you have trouble sleeping?"

I nodded "I get nightmares every night. Most of them are about my brother. I have talked to Michael about them this afternoon." I added just to sure that i wouldn't have to repeat the same story again.

He nodded "That's good, it's good to talk about those things."

"I know and i will try to do it more often."