Promise

35.

Trapped, that's how i felt. Everyday felt the same, go to school, visit mrs Middleton, meet the guys at the hospital and then go home to start the whole cycle again. Don't get me wrong i loved living with them and finally feeling safe. But i also felt like i lost my purpose, i didn't have to worry about helping my uncle or mrs Middleton anymore. I only had to worry about myself and my grades. Ashton was the only one who had really noticed that because he was the only one i regularly talked to due to him being my therapist. He had prescribed me antidepressants and a few days off from school. I had refused to take the days off from school, i didn't need to feel more useless then i already do.

It had been almost 2 weeks since mrs Middleton moved away. But i still sat on the bench infront of her house after school. Most of time i just sat there with a cigarette in my hand thinking of how the things used to be. Sometimes i thought that i could see my uncle watching me from his house but when i blinked again he would be gone.

The school bell rang and i walked calmly out of the class. I wasn't in a hurry, i wasn't allowed to visit mrs Middleton today. The retirement home was having a special day were there residents got a spa treatment and could play bingo and stuff. I had started to hate that damm house full of old people who had been forgotten by there family. Who were they to decide when i can or can't visit mrs Middleton?

I didn't feel like going to the hospital just yet. The guys all had long shifts today so I would just be bored and alone in Luke's office. I walked over to mrs Middleton's house, a big expensive car was parked infront of it. I sighed, people were looking at the house to see if they wanted to buy it. Secretly i just wanted to burn the house, nobody else but mrs Middleton deserved to live there. I grabbed a cigarette out of my pocket, lit it and turned around. I decided to walk to the hospital to kill some time.

"Fuck." I stopped walking, i suddenly remembered that tomorrow was my birthday. I had given the guys permission to trow a small party with just the 5 of us. I had made those plans when i actually felt excited for my birhtday, i wasn't anymore. I would have to think of something to make them forget the whole thing. While i was thinking of how i was going to do that my phone rang. Luke was calling.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked with fake excitement .

"Where are you? I thought that you would come to the hospital straight after school."

"I am. I just missed the bus. I'll be there in an hour, no worries."

Luke was silent for a second. "Are you sure that you're okay? Ashton told me that he had given you antidepressants." He asked in an almost whispering tone.

I shighed. "Yes everything is fine. Those medications are doing nothing but helping me."

"Okay. Well i will see in an hour then, bye i love you."

"Yes see you then, byee."

I could punch myself right now that's how embarrassed i felt. Why couldn't i just say i love you back? Everytime he said it to me i gave him a smile but I could see disappoint in his eyes. It's not that i didn't love the guys, i loved them too much and that scared me. Everybody who i love leaves me behind.

As if the day couldn't get any worse it started to rain. Normally I wouldn't mind it to rain but i did now. If i arrived soaking wet at the hospital the guys would figure out that i had walked all the way and they would most certainly get angry. I trew my cigarette on the ground and put my jacket over my head. There was no other option than to run all the way.

Out of breath i stopped a few streets away from the hospital. My chest was burning and my heart felt like it was going to explode. The rain had stopped, i had made it with only a wet jacket and dirty shoes.

I entered the big building and went to the restroom. I tried to clean my shoes and dry myself the best that i could. After 20 minutes of scrubbing and standing under the handdryer i walked out the restroom. I knocked on Luke's office and opened the door after he gave permission.

"I'm here." I said with a tiring voice while i walked to the couch.

"Somebody sounds tired." He put his papers down and went to sit next to me on the couch.

"That's because somebody is a bit tired." I smiled to him.

"Trouble sleeping?" He aksed while he put his arm around me and rubbed my arm with his thumb.

"No, just tired from school and stuff."

He nodded understandably. "Try to get some sleep right now, a few extra hours of rest can work miracles."

I trew my shoes off and put my feet on the couch trying to find a comfortable position. I leaned into Luke. "I am nervous for tomorrow." I admitted to him.

"In a good way or a bad way?"

"I think a bad way, i don't want to celebrate it anymore. I just want to skip tomorrow."

He looked at me with sad eyes. "What made you change your mind."

"I don't know, it's just that I'm finally used to this routine and don't want tomorrow to mess that up." I said avoiding eye contact with him.

He lifted my face up and looked into my eyes. "Mabye it's a good thing to break the routine. Doing something else than usual is refreshing and is good for you."

"I hope it will."

He kissed my forhead. "I know it will."

It was 11 o'clock and we were finally able to leave. Normally Luke and i would've just left early on our own but he insisted on staying tonight. I joined Michael and Calum in the car because i hadn't talked to them in a while.  Luke and Ashton got in their own cars because they had left separately from the house. But i kinda regretted joining Michael and Calum because they had just performed a surgery and were telling me every detail about it. I shivered and tried to think of something else than somebody laying cut open on a cold table.

We soon arrived home and all the guys ran inside, happy that their long day at the hospital was over. Normally they would be tired but Calum and Michael still had to much adrenaline left. They bounched into the house hyping Luke and Ashton up on the way.

"Lucy are you joining us?" Michael asked with the controller of the xbox in his hand.

"I'll join you guys later. I have to finish some homework from professor Whiteley real quick. "

I quickly ran upstairs and shut the door behind me. I wasn't planning on going back downstairs, i was going to sneak out of the window. Just for tonight, i needed some alone time to think and recharge. I ripped a page out of my notebook and scribbled fast a few sentences on the paper.
Sorry, i need some time alone. Will be back tomorrow morning.
I put the paper on my window so that it was obvious that i had left. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and trew it on the bed, i didn't want them to track my location. I opened the window and calculated what to best way down would be. I walked on the roof with my back against the wall to the rainpipe where i climbed down. I had safely made it onto the ground and all that was left was leaving the gated community without being caught.

I was laughing as i ran down the street, i had made it out without getting caught.