More Than I Bargained For

Trying to Keep A Secret- (Epic Fail)

The next day school was the last thing I could focus on.  I decided not to go.  I knew I would get crap about it later but I didn't care.  There were more important things.

As I sat on the toilet seat all five sticks sat on the counter, mocking me, telling me of a truth I already knew.  Though it was staring in front of me I continued to look down at my belly.  Nothing had changed yet, of course it hadn't.  I'd only had sex over the weekend.  My body technically wouldn't have even registered the fact even though it clearly was, afterall it's not like I'd had sex with an ordinary human.

Most of my day was spent either outside walking along the river in our backyard or inside watching pointless shows on Netflix.  It was also spent in a state of denial.

I was sixteen.  I couldn't be pregnant and yet I was.  Just another statistic in teen pregnancy.  

I held my phone, wanting to call someone, anyone, my dad my friends but the fear over took that and since I wasn't even showing yet it made no sense to tell anyone.

Jo and Emma tried to text me all day but I was in no mood so I simply shut my phone off.  I would deal with them later.

*****

The next day, Tuesday, rolled around and I knew I couldn't avoid school forever.  I had never even so much as taken a sick day and yet yesterday had been a first.

Mr. Sorenson held me after class.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Sure," I answered.

"Because if it's not then you know you can talk to me right?"

"Sure."

"Zan, you're a great kid.  One of the best I've ever had but you were late to class on Friday and then absent yesterday.  If something is going on-,"

"Mr. S, everything is cool.  You know I just got in late from my trip on Sunday so I was pretty tired.  I made a judgement call about whether I should stay home and get some rest or go to class.  I realize now it was the wrong one."

Mr. Sorenson nodded, "Okay, just make sure it doesn't become a habit."

"It won't, I promise."

"Good, now get out of here."

*****

"Not eating," asked Jo as the three of us sat together at lunch.

"Not hungry."

"Okay what is with you?" asked Emma.

"What do you mean?"

"It's just you've been acting all weird," she said to me.

Jo looked at her, "Em, come on."

"No.  Z, you're our friend and we care about you but can you blame us for being concerned?  I mean you were late to class last week and then you skipped school yesterday, what gives?"

"It's nothing."

"For you it's not nothing.  Something is going on."

"Emma, just stop," I said to her, a little more harsh than I had intended.  "I'm just trying to figure out some stuff right now.  I get your concerned and I appreciate that, I even love you for it, but if and when I decide to tell you I will.  I just can't right now."

"Okay sure," Emma said in defeat.

I took a deep breath, I wanted to apologize but didn't even have the strength for that.