epiphany ||| rants

rant 9 (Black Lives Matter)

First off, I'd like to clarify that I love my parents. I realize that I am very fortunate to have grown up in church and with food on my plate, a roof over my head, financial stability, and love. However, I realize that my parents are not perfect and have different views than I do (even though they don't accept that lol).

They don't believe in white privilege, gun violence, or the Black Lives Matter movement. I think it's mostly because they are not directly affected by it so they just assume these things are not real issues. All their friends are white. No one they are close to has fallen victim of gun violence. When my dad hears about white privilege, he turns up his nose and claims it's not real and that the minorities actually have the privilege (I'm excluding my mom from the narrative because she usually doesn't voice her opinion on things, she usually lets my dad say all his opinions and just kinda goes with it because she thinks that what she has to do as his wife).

I am ashamed to say that I used to be that person who thought negatively of the Black Lives Matter movement when it came out and instead favored the All Lived Matter response. I adopted my parents' way of thinking because that's what kids tend to do and that is how I was raised. I only had white friends because only white people went to my school. I didn't see the other side of the story; I never saw the white privilege because I didn't have anyone to compare my privilege to.

But then I stopped following whatever my dad said and started thinking for myself and researching for myself to determine what I think and what I believe in. This is when I got a glimpse of my privilege.

No, I'm not saying that my life is easy just because I'm white and that all black people's lives are hard just because they're black. I just don't have to put up with certain things black people do. I don't face violence, hate, or discrimination because of my race.

I can go jogging, be detained by police, play with a toy gun, get pulled over, reach for my wallet, etc. without fearing for my life.

That's my privilege.

And my dad, and my community, is apparently too blind to see that.

This "All Lives Matter" thing was created in response to Black Lives Matter. As soon as someone shone a light on racial injustice, white people turned it around and made it about them. Yes, all lives do matter, but the All Lives Matter movement thing is disrespectful. Black Lives Matter isn't saying that black lives are better than anyone else of another race. It's just shining a light on an issue that needs attention.

I'm going to use an analogy that you've probably heard before, but I feel like it correctly demonstrates the situation:

If a house in a neighborhood was on fire, would you call the fire department to spray water on all the houses? No, you wouldn't, because the other houses don't need it at the moment. The house on fire requires the attention and help at that moment.

Also, when people go to breast cancer rallies or walks, people don't show up and shout about how other cancers matter, too. That's just stupid. Everyone knows that all cancers need attention. Everyone also knows that all lives matter. Black Lives Matter isn't saying that other lives don't matter, it's just calling action to the fact that black lives do matter and deserve the same rights and privilege as white people.

This evening I was sat on my back porch because the weather was nice for once. My sister, mom, and dad were outside with me. My dad was complaining about emails he was getting and asked my sister and I how to stop receiving them. Apparently they were emails talking about justice for George Floyd.

My dad said, "I'm tired of hearing about this."

And at first I was like same, because I'm tired of the violence shown towards black Americans.

Then my dad goes, "Apparently another black guy got shot. I'm just sick of hearing about it."

I wasn't surprised to hear this, but it didn't make it any less frustrating.

First of all, he wasn't shot.

Secondly, that black guy has a name, and it is George Floyd. And he has family, friends, coworkers, and a community that loved him. All those black victims had families and loved ones. I swear he forgets the victims were actual people who lived actual lives and had actual families. To him, they are just empty names in headlines.

And then my dad went on to rant about how it's ridiculous how out of hand the protests are getting. He's talking about police stations getting burned down and the protesters getting violent. And he's just so over it all. He thinks it's stupid, that they aren't protesting anything important, that there isn't even an issue to protest about.

Why is it okay for white protestors to protest with firearms just for being told to stay home during a pandemic while Trump calls the black protesters thugs for protesting the murder of an innocent people?

I want to speak my opinion. I want to have a civil conversation with my parents about what I believe. I want my voice to be heard. They don't have to agree with what I say, but I at least want them to respect my views.

But I can't.

That's why I'm here, venting to the handful of people reading this.

I know I am apart of the problem because I am remaining silent. I'm not challenging my dad's opinions or even suggesting that he rethink things. I'm just keeping my mouth shut, which isn't helping anyone.

I know that if I open my mouth for two seconds and say anything that even remotely challenges my dad's opinion, I will earn a long scolding about how I am just following what the media says and I'm just being a follower. Somehow, he'll twist the few words that I've spoken and claim that I'd have to be an atheist if I believe that, that I'm not being a Christian if I don't blindly believe everything my dad believes. Then he'll start throwing the amendments or something at me, claiming that his beliefs are purely American and anything that opposes those beliefs aren't American. He doesn't realize that I don't care about "acting like an American." He acts like being American is the best thing you can be. Sometimes I think he believes Jesus was American.

As much as I wanted to say something to my dad, I was too scared. My mom would pull me aside and tell me not to oppose my dad's opinions. She has done it before. She tells me not to argue with him.

But I don't want an argument, I want a conversation.

Unfortunately, it is impossible to have an adult conversation with my dad about social issues or political issues. He's always right, and if you don't agree, then you're automatically an atheist and you get a long lecture about why you're wrong and he's right and you have to be quiet and take it. If you leave or if you don't listen, then you're being close-minded and aren't even considering his side, which is totally hypocritical because he wouldn't listen in the first place.

Anyway, that's enough of me ranting for today.

I apologize for not sticking up against racism. I know that I am apart of the problem and I hate that I feel like I can't speak up.

Eat your vegetables, shower, get enough sleep, pray, brush your teeth, and drink plenty of water :)