Ang bilis ng oras at hindi na natin napapansin ang maraming bagay sa atin. Kasabay ng pagbilis ng oras ay ang pagbilis ng pagbabago sa paligid natin kaya maraming tao ang naiiwan sa nakaraan and just like them I want to pause the time, and make some backward so I can still watch what happened to my past but the world never let me to do that.
Bakit ba may mga tao na mas pinipili na ma stuck na lang sa past? Siguro baka katulad ko lang din sila na hirap mag move on. Bago pa ako tuluyan malunod sa sarili kong thoughts ay isang boses na ang nag ahon sakin.
"I'm sorry, I'm late" I looked at her and stare for a while, she is on mid 30's pero mukha lang sya na nasa 20's.
"It's ok Ms. Dela Peña" kumunot bigla yung noo nya sa sinabi ko, did I say something wrong?
"I told you to call me Mama when we are not in school." I laughed when she was about to pout. She wants me to call her Mama dahil parang mama na din namin sya.
Tumawag muna sya ng waiter para kumuha ng order namin but I told her that I'm not hungry dahil kakain ko lang ng lunch kasama si Hakob but she still insists na pakainin ako. I cut my classes at nag half day lang ako para makipag kita kay Mama Marie so I can give her my drawings. Nandito kami ngayon sa restaurant malapit sa school kung saan sya nagtuturo.
Matapos nya sabihin lahat ng order nya ay binaling nya sakin yung atensyon nya. "How are you honey?"
I want to say that I'm not fine but I don't want to make her worried. "I'm fine Mama, how about you? Stress ka pa rin ba sa students mo?"
She just laughed and tell me something about her life now. Ipinakita nya din sakin ngayon yung engagement ring na suot suot nya. Am I really spacing out kaya hindi ko yun napansin nung dumating sya?
"So, who's the lucky guy?"
I saw her eyes that glowing and I can say that she's inlove. I can even felt her so much happiness. Mukhang hindi naman sya tatandang dalaga.
"He is Raymond, he is an engineer, actually sya yung gumawa ng bahay ko sa tagaytay." she's giggling and kinikilig kilig pa sya, ganyan ba ang nagagawa ng love?
"Kailan ang kasal?"
She sip her tea first before she answer my question. "Next year but still don't have date" napangiti na lang ako.
"If Faith was here matutuwa yun sayo Mama and she will volunteer herself as a flower girl."
Sinubo ko na yung pasta at ninamnam yung lasa nito at masarap, sa susunod dito ko yayayain si tita Marielle.
"Naisip ko na yun Rachel at na imagine ko na yung mukha nya ngayon. I missed her being clingy with me."
Silence. Katahimakan ang bumalot samin ni Mama at tanging ingay lang mula sa ibang tao ang naririnig namin.
"I know that you are still not okay. After what happened 2 years ago, maybe this is the time to let go everything." I didn't expect that we will talked about her. I'm not ready to talked about her, but when I will be ready? I think never.
"I'm trying my best Mama but its hard." I released a deep, deep sighed.
"You need to try harder Rachel, pano sya magiging malaya kung hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa din sya mapakawalan."
How can I do that?
"Malaya na sya ngayon Mama, she is free from anything---" she cut me off.
"But she is not free from you."
Those words hit me. Hindi nga ba sya malaya ngayon dahil sakin, pero pano ko sya papalayain kung yung sarili ko nga hindi ko magawang palayain.
"Accept it Rachel. Let go everything that keeps you from holding on to something. Hindi na sya babalik and she will never be." Naguunahan na ngayon na bumagsak ang mga luha sa mga mata ko.
