Hamilton Oneshots

I'm Trying: Lams

Warning: contained a bit of gore, self harm, suicide, and depression

Alex's POV

   I rested most of my weight on the wall next to me as I tried to calm myself down. Tears flowed down my cheeks, dripping onto my shirt and the floor. I slowly slid down onto the ground, clutching my arms as I sobbed. 'Worthless!' 'You should have died in the hurricane!' 'They're all faking it, no one really likes you!' 'Die!'  The voices shouted. "N-no..." I choked out, trying to wipe the tears slipping down my face. I managed to slow down the sobs and get up off of the floor. I stumbled into the bathroom and clung onto the side of the sink. I looked in the mirror, seeing my face stained with dry tears and my bloodshot eyes.

   I closed my eyes before muttering, "n-no, I can't. I need to stay strong for John." I tightened my grip onto the sinks, breathing heavily. I knew I had to stay strong for John, I couldn't do anything that would hurt him. However the temptation was too strong and I grabbed the razor that was near the sink. I dropped the razor abruptly, realizing what I had almost done. "I c-can't do it again...i-it hurt him so much l-last time he found out..."

   But it was addicting, the feeling of the cool metal against the skin, feeling of the blade digging into the skin, the satisfying sight of blood oozing out of the wound, the feeling of satisfaction after. I glanced up at the mirror once again to see the sight of my disgusting face. I sighed, shutting my eyes tight before opening them again. I reached for the razor and rolled up the sleeves of my shirt, seeing the scars that covered my skin. I then took a deep breath before digging the razor into my skin. I sighed at the satisfying feeling before gliding the razor across my scarred skin.

   I watched as blood oozed out of the wound, before digging the blade into my skin once again. After several cuts, I made sure no blood remained on the razor and rolled down the sleeves of my shirt. I walked out of the bathroom to hear the front door opening. I quickly put on a fake smile and went to greet the person who had come in. I saw John, running up to him, and wrapped my arms around him. He smiled gently before wrapping his arms around me. "I see that the little gremlin has finally stopped working." He said as he chuckled.

    I grumbled back a response, burying my head into his neck. After a few moments I unburied my face to look up at him. He had a gentle smile on his face, a look of admiration clearly visible on his face. A light blush covered my cheeks as he leant in for a kiss. I kissed him back before breaking the kiss. "I'm going to make dinner quickly." He told me as he let me go.

   "Okay..." I said as I playfully pouted. He let out a chuckle before pecking my lips. "I'm going to take a quick shower." I told him while walking towards the bedroom.

   "Okay, don't be too long," I heard him shout. I grabbed a pair of clothes before making my way to the bathroom.

John's POV

   I put the food I had prepared onto two plates before setting them onto the table. After, I walked towards the bathroom door and knocked gently. I got no response, so I decided to say, "Alex, dinner's ready. Try to be out soon." Once again I got no response, sighing I gave up and walked to the table that had our food resting on it.
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   It had been two hours since I had told him that dinner was ready, and I was concerned. I got up, walking towards the bathroom. I knocked gently asking Alex, "Is everything okay?" I got no response. "Alex," I practically shouted. After getting no response once again, I opened the door to see a sight that would plague me for the rest of my life. The bath was crimson, Alex slumped over in the bathtub. I ran towards my lover, tears blurring my vision. "Alex!" I screamed as I grabbed his hand. I noticed the cuts on his wrist and blood staining his skin, before screaming. I scrambled back, hitting my back against the sink as tears flowed down my cheeks. I shakily grabbed my phone from my pocket as I shakily dialed the emergency line.