Noncandescent

The Confession

Marge’s just finished telling Hen and the rest of the nurses what happened between Eddie and Ethan, right when Buck walks up. Which is when all the nurses simultaneously go quiet.

Seeing this, Buck teases, “What’re you all gossiping about?”

Marge smiles, “Hey, Buck. How’re you doing?”

Buck plays along, “I’m just fine. Why’d you all go quiet when I came over here?”

Marge covers, “Because we all just decided we were done talking. What’s going on?”

Buck checks his watch, “Well I’m due back at the fire station in about an hour, but have you guys bumped into Dr. Regis?”

This would be where any sane person would tell Buck the truth, but Marge just replies, “Actually, I think I saw him making the rounds a few floors up.”

Buck smiles, “Alright then. See you later.”

Once Buck’s completely out of earshot, Hen demands, “Why didn’t you tell him?”

Marge is quick to remind her, “Because it really isn’t any of our business.”

Hen points out, “You just told all of us!”

Marge defends, “I know that. But we don’t want him knowing that.”

But that still doesn’t sit right with Hen, and as they all get back to work, she decides next chance she gets, she’s going to talk to Buck.

Once Buck gets off the elevator, he makes a beeline for Ethan, giving him a warm smile, “Hey, how are you?”

Ethan tries not to show it, but truthfully, after that showdown with Eddie, he knows getting in the middle of this would be a bad idea.

But he still says politely, “Hey, Buck.”

Buck, completely oblivious, asks, “How’s the good doctor doing?”

Ethan makes a point of looking everywhere but at Buck as he says, “Actually, I’m seriously swamped.”

Buck asks, “We still on to have lunch?”

Ethan knows what he has to say, “Buck, I’m really sorry, but there’s some things I really need to stay on top of. I’ve been really distracted lately.”

Buck’s definitely bummed, but he understands completely. “Alright, I understand. Talk later?”

Ethan starts walking away, not even looking back as he replies, “Yeah, that would be really good.”

Buck starts to suspect there’s more, but he just says, “Okay, see you later.”, and makes his way to the cafeteria.

Looks like he’s flying solo.

Once he’s at his usual table, who should show up but Henrietta Wilson, “Hey, Buck.”

The second he sees her, Buck’s all smiles, “Hi, Hen. How are you?”

Hen has no problem telling Buck, “Considering I’m the reason you show up here for lunch, shouldn’t you already know how I’m doing?”

But Buck can tell she’s saying it in good humor, and says, “You want to sit with me or not?”

Hen quickly sits in the empty seat across from Buck, telling him, “Hope I’m not interrupting your little pity party.”

Buck shakes his head, “Not at all. In fact, I think I’m done, now that you’re here.”

Hen wastes no time getting right into it, “So what’s been going on with you lately? Feels like we’ve hardly been talking at all.”

Buck looks away, admitting sheepishly, “It’s just been that kind of year, you know?”

Hen knows most of this already, but she asks anyway, “Mostly good, or bad?”

Buck can’t even look her in the eye as he tells her, “Hen, you know I always try to look on the bright side of things, but I can’t this time. This past year has just been that bad.”

Hen’s look is completely sympathetic, but just lets Buck keep talking,

“You know how whenever you’re at a crossroads, and you know both paths mean nothing will ever be the same after you choose?”

Hen nods, “Life tends to do that. Usually when we’re not looking for it, too. Does that mean you’re about to do the same thing?”

Buck knows he can tell Hen the truth, and she’ll give him an honest answer, so he tells her reluctantly, “Maybe. But you know how hard it is when you second guess every move you make when it’s important.”

Hen tries to ask subtly, “Buck, you know I never mean to butt into your business, but would this particular crossroads have something to do with why you’ve been in a good mood lately?”

Buck smiles here, and admits, “Yeah, it does, actually.”

Hen tries to make him understand, “Buck, you’re still so young, compared to the rest of us. Don’t do anything you know you’re going to regret.”

At that, Buck deflates, trying to tell Hen, “I’m trying, really, I am.”

Then, Buck takes another breath, and just comes right out with it, “But I am so sick of feeling like nobody has my back anymore. Hen, you know how it is when someone actually takes the time to treat you like you really matter to them.”

Hen doesn’t beat around the bush, “You’re talking about a certain doctor, aren’t you?”

Buck’s actually not that embarrassed at having been caught, “Not much of a secret, I guess, not with all the talking we’ve been doing lately.”

Hen goes on, “I also noticed how you act around him. I know, because that’s how you acted around Eddie, even before you started dating. You can’t tell me you’re not at least wondering how Eddie would react to all of this?”

Buck sighs, already sick and tired of having to defend his actions to himself, so he tells Hen, “Look, Hen, I don’t want to have to say this more than once, alright? Did I think Eddie was the love of my life? Of course I did. Did I ever think things would get so bad that we’d wind up here? Of course not. I’ve actually had to rely on some of my Navy SEAL training so I don’t turn into a crying mess. But none of that takes away from the facts: Eddie had his chance, and he didn't take it. Dr. Regis is a good guy. He’s here for me in a way that Eddie hasn’t been in way too long. He actually takes the time to listen to me, make me feel like me and my feelings actually matter. I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve felt that way.”

Hen wonders if she should tell Buck the truth, but honestly? As much as she hates to admit it, Marge is right. It’s not her place to tell.

So instead, she tries a different tactic, “Buck, you know I love you. You’re like the fire family’s little brother. And trust me when I say I’m happy you’re happy. But think about this for a second. If this doctor doesn’t have a problem flirting with you, knowing you’re still married, how exactly do you know he’s not doing the same thing to someone else?”

Which is enough for Buck to snap, “Hen, you’re crossing a line. I don’t think we should talk about this anymore.”

Immediately, Hen backpedals, “Buck, wait, I’m sorry. I’m really not trying to upset you.”

But now Buck’s too upset, so he excuses himself, “I should really get going. But it really was good to see you, Hen.”

And then he’s gone, leaving Hen to wonder if she did the right thing, or if she should be kicking herself.