SURVIVORS

CHAPTER FOUR

     Adrenaline shot through me, calmed and began all over again. My brain begginng to process a lie to tell this scum. If I was to loose my virginity in this quarters, I would forever be ashamed it was with Musa.

"I'm sorry but Mr Taofeeq awaits me, he wants me to warm his bed." I forced my voice to sound calm, I had just told a lie with another guards name. It sounded dumb, he'll surely figure out I was lieing. I linked my fingers in my hijab, it was a habit to keep me calm whenever I got nervous.

He eyed me like he knew I was telling a lie.

I looked him straight in the eye, seeming like the only thing on my mind was to please Taofeeq. If Musa decided to ask Taofeeq, then surely, I was done for.

"I see, well tommorow..." he began but was cut short by Samira screams. He rushed towards her, I didn't wait to see what happened. That was enough distraction I needed to get away.

I walked first, then hitched up my hijab and began running, only stopping when I was sure I had kept a good distance away from him. My legs kept digging into mud, trying to slow me down.

Sadiya purposely created the distraction and I knew Musa would punish her for that.

I sat close to the palm tree, removing my slipper. Then I began hitting it on the bark in an effort to get out the mud that got stuck while I was running.

I slapped my slipper on the tree harder, this time as a means of releasing the rage in me.

I hated all of this, all of it!

How we were sexually abused and raped, anyway you could describe forceful sex.

The girls were objects the guards used for 'cooling off' whenever they wanted.

They did it everywhere without shame. Even in the farm, they would bend a victim over in an uncomfortable position, covering her mouth from shouting so she wouldn't draw attention. But we still knew, though we pretended like we were deaf to her cries.

The worst of all was when a victim would become pregnant for one of the guards.  If the guard wanted the baby, he would wait till when she would give birth, before collecting the baby whom the mother would never see again.
If the guard didn't want the baby, it would be aborted.

    Sadiya saved me this time, I wish I was aware of the heavy price she would pay. If I knew, heaven bears me witness I would have gone to loose my virginity a thousand times to Musa.

I would later find out Musa raped her continuously. Causing her to not only hate men, but also unable to give birth.

The guilt would sicken me, slowly eating me up.

If only I had went in that night with Musa, she would be able to give birth and possibly fall in love. If only...

For now, I only knew she saved me from being abused sexually.

I wiped the tears that came along with anger using the back of my hands.

AN: Writing this chapter reminds of  the guilt I feel for being the cause of the consequences Sadiya later faced.

Do you think I could  helped her?