Forever - a TMC story

Chapter 5

TW // self harm, self harm imagery and description

Bear's POV

Bear lay awake in bed... again. He wondered whether Jordan felt that he owed him anything. Did Jordan, Dix and Alex expect him to pay them back somehow. He didn't even knwo how he would do that. he was a terrible friend and didn't deserve any of the. Bear certainly felt that he owed them all. That all had stayed strong for him in Vardaesia after his dad's death. No don't think about dad.  It wan't your fault. There was no way you could get there in time. You were the other side of the courtyard. Even if alex had used her meyarin speed... Bear bites down on his lip. Hard. as the image of his dad on the ground, the whips tearing into the exposed skin on his back, his shirt hanging in tatters around his hips. Bear welcomed the familiar metallic taste of blood flood his mouth but it wasn't enough.

He hops out of bed and stumbles towards the small bathroom connected to their dorm and played with the switch before drowning the room with the warm yellow light. Bear wished it wasn't so bright. He fumbled in his side of the cupboard before grabbing the razor and pressing it hard into the rough, scarred skin on the inside of his wrist until thick red blood begins to ooze slowly from the side of the blade. Despite the re-opened cut his wrist still itched. He dug his right nail against the cut and pushed, looked back at his ragged appearance in the mirror. His normally  full brown hair hung lank around his face. He hadn't slept through a night since Vardaesia and it showed in the shadows looming across his pale face and the dark bags hanging from his eyes. After a few breaths he stashes the razor back behind his shampoo and walks into the room applying the green healing paste taken from the med ward and rubbed gently until only a faint scar remained. He breathed again. It felt better now. Pity his dad's injuring couldn't be healed like that.

Back in bed he pushed is mind back to what he should do in the coming days. He knew that he should stick with Alex. Alex also needed his help. For a small moment while sympathising with Alex, Bear almost felt like his old self, he took this as a good sign and decided that Jordan and Alex would expect him to stay with them instead of Declan. He couldn't blame Declan for choosing Kaiden, but doesn't that mean he should stay with Jordan? Despite the fact that just the thought of being without Declan made him scared, he knew he had to side with his best friend. Decision made for the moment he rolled over and curled into a ball, hugging his knees up against his chest and for the first time in weeks drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Bear woke to Jordan sitting down on the bed next to him. 

"what time is it?" He croaks straining his eyes against the bright sunlight streaming unfiltered through the open window. 

"about 8:50, class starts in around 10 mins, but you were actually sleeping so I let you sleep in," Jordan says, holding out a bowl of simple cereal that Bear accepted gratefully. 

"what happened with Alex?" Bear asked, worried.

"You wouldn't know because you didn't care enough to follow," Jordan's normally carefree eyes turned icy as he glared at his friend, That wasn't fair. that couldn't be fair. was he really that selfish? god why was he such a terrible person? Bear felt his heart quicken and his breath begin to speed and he ran his tongue along the ragged shreds of the inside of his cheek. 

Jordan must've sensed his anxiety as he immediately turned remorseful. 

"I'm so sorry Bear, you don't deserve that, you're a great friend, we're all just worried. She ran into the library and Dix said she didn't come back to her dorm last night." Jordan says reaching out to still Bear's shaking hand. 
"now come on we're gonna be late for species distinction"

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Barely anyone missed Alex's absence and because of it Bear, Jordan and Dix were the constant centre of attention as everyone speculated where the conquering war hero might be. Varin finally lost all of his patience and raised his voice.

"Everyone listen, I know where Alex is. She's helping Hunter map a second obstacle course with some other SAS students. Now that that's cleared can everyone PLEASE focus," 

Bear, Jordan and Dix shared a glance all worried about the whereabouts of their friend but they knew Alex was most likely safe and just wanted to be alone and they knew they needed to respect that. 

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After lunch Bear found himself alone again being the only one out of their group in Epsilon chemistry so he began his walk from the food court to the labs when he came across Kaiden sitting on the frosty ground leaning against the back of an arch. 

He hesitates for a moment unsure whether he should or not but he walks over until he's standing next to him leaning against the cool stone. Looking over Bear was shocked to see tears streaming freely down his face. 

"Bear, what do i do? I don't know what to do? How do i help Alex when she won't even speak with me. Heck, she runs from the room whenever i enter. what did i do wrong?" 

"nothing Kaiden you didn't do anything. Trust me, Alex believes she's doing the right thing, staying away from you," Bear interrupts. Kaiden jumps up onto his feet and buries his face into his hands. When he emerges his bloodshot eyes hold a steely determination. He abruptly turns around and punches the bricks with full force. Bear watches in horror as Kaiden continues hitting the wall, his hand cracking and bleeding with the force. 

"I just" punch. "wish" punch "she would just" punch. punch. PUNCH. "fucking" Punch "talk to me" Bear stood there powerless as with that last word breaks down and curls into a ball sobbing into his bleeding and bruised hands.

I just wanted to say i always found it rlly cringy when writers say omg thank you so much for like 100 reads when it rlly isn't that much but i honestly never thought anyone would read this and i kind of wrote for me. so i just wanted to say thanks so much for almost 200 reads for me thats crazy!!! thats like a small army lmao!!

Also i know your probably rlly annoyed that i ask for you to vote every single chapter but honestly it means so much to me and only takes about a second :) :) :)

Thanks so much for reading it means so much xxx