where pilgrims are sinners, saints go to hell

6

He had never had anything close to a need of physical contact. He barely ever paid it any mind, he certainly wasn't used to it, nor had ever been.

He couldn't stop thinking about the way she had held his hand.

He had never seen anything like it. Her fingers had been wrapped around his, and his around hers. He had never... noticed that hands could do that.

He approached her in the gardens again, a couple of days after their conversation. When she saw him, she got up and bowed as greeting.

"My King", she said.

He hummed for a moment, pensive. "While we appreciate the respect you show us, you should know that you don't owe it to us more than we do to you. We hold no rank over you. You don't have to bow".

She smiled, sitting back down. "Thank you. I won't, then".

He sat down on the other end of the bench. They both stayed silent as, this time, she continued writing down on her journal while he was there. He watched her work, definitely not paying more attention to her hands than what could be considered normal or necessary.

He waited until she seemed to be done, and then, "We have a question for you".

"Yes?"

"...when you said you would devote yourself to us, what exactly did you mean?"

She seemed caught off guard by this. She closed her journal and turned to face him.

"Every aspect of it, I guess. There isn't anything about you not to praise, your highness. You are a... truly brilliant being, in every sense of the word, and I would be more than happy to make it my life's purpose to help you in whatever way I am able to".

He knew she spoke out of her own will, but it still sounded too much like something one of his Retainers might have said. She was more than that, he knew. A Retainer wouldn't have talked back to him the way she did the other day. It was because of this knowledge that he couldn't understand her decisions.

But that wasn't what this conversation was about.

"...we see. And does that have anything to do with that... hand gesture you did the other time?"

She stared, confused, for a couple of seconds.

"Do you mean, this?" she interlaced both her hands in the same fashion she had with his the other day.

"Yes".

"Oh. Uh, well, no. While physical touch can be used to express devotion, I suppose, that wasn't why I did that". She looked away.

There were two ways the conversation could continue. He chose the safe option.

"What else can physical touch be used for, then?"

She regarded him oddly, before her expression turned to one of worry.

"You don't... have you ever... held a hand, before?"

Held a hand. Hmm. He liked that way of phrasing it. It sounded as comforting as it felt.

"Not like that, no. Physical touch beyond the absolute necessary was never customary for us; and therefore not for the bugs of Hallownest, either".

"Oh. Well, it is customary for my kind. We use it to... express affection, or love".

Express affection? Affection? How-- wait. Of course.

"Do you mean sexual intercourse?"

She froze for a second. She seemed almost... scandalized? Perhaps it was a taboo of sorts for her?

"O- okay, yes, for example. But not necessarily. There are many more.... mild ways of conveying love. Not just for a romantic partner, but also for family or close friends".

What an odd culture.

"Like what?"

"Like hugging, hand holding, or kissing".

"...we don't know what those are".

"Oh, sorry, my bad. Hugging is... enveloping someone with your arms, for physical closeness. It's mostly used for comfort, or greeting. And kissing is like, uh..."

She thought for a moment, seemingly unable to come up with a way of explaining it. After a bit, she held out her hand.

"Allow me?"

...what?

He felt a bit dazed when he placed his hand on top of hers, noticing for the first time how warm it was against his. Had it been this warm the last time? Her body temperature didn't seem to have changed. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed. It felt so... nice.

Thinking about this, he was absolutely not prepared when she brought both of their hands to her and pressed her lips against his knuckles.

He should have been expecting something like that, given the context of their conversation, but...

The ghost of her kiss lingered long after she lowered their hands again.

It took him probably an entire minute to realize that she was looking somewhere behind him. Presumably at his... now extended wings. He immediately lowered them again, and she let out a small chuckle, her ears red.

"They're beautiful, you know. You should show them off more".

He didn't know what to reply, so he just nodded in acknowledgement and looked away, wondering why his heart was beating so fast.

Both of them failed to mention that she hadn't let go of his hand.